Who Cares? ! Book 1
by Tess 4 5
Summary: She's furious, he's indifferent - until she told him her secret. Learn how it had come to the situation in the Nanrunnel police station and what happened afterwards. A weekend at Howenstow, developed from a short fragment with no intro, no outro and no case. Fragment - prequel - sequel. Seperated post-sequel is published and updated.
1. Who cares

**Author's usual notes and disclaimer:** I don't own any of the original characters nor the original Inspector Lynley Mysteries – they belong to Elizabeth George and the BBC. I have borrowed the characters from the TV-Show and solely own the ideas of _my _stories and the developments _I've_ let them go through.

Please write a PM if I did something terribly wrong. Thanks!

Please read and review! More thanks!

* * *

**Author's note and summary:** A _very _short thing that I chewed on yesterday when FF was offline. No intro, no outro, no case and no real story. Just a fragment. (That perhaps will get a flashback-sequel some day. (I said perhaps.))

* * *

**...**

**Who cares?!  
**

**.**

* * *

"Never ever do that again, Sir! _Never_!" her voice broke.

"Ah, well, who cares?" DI Tommy Lynley slumped down on a bench and raked his hand through his dark and still damp hair. DS Barbara Havers attentively placed a heating blanket around his shoulders and gave him a mug of steaming hot tea.

"Who cares?!" she shouted at her boss. "You seriously ask who cares?! I tell you, who cares. Your mother cares. A lot. Your sister cares. Even your brother cares if you're trying to kill yourself by walking the Coastal Path in the night! In the middle of a heavy cold rain! In February! With nothing on but a wollen jumper. _A jumper!_"

She shook her head in disbelief. "Now drink that tea, you need some heat in your stomach."

"Mmmh, I don't care." He had not tried to kill himself, he just had been, well, absentminded, he would say. And indifferent, he would admit. Anyway he took a sip of that warming liquid and listened to Barbara's continuing blast.

"_You_ might not care, Sir, but guess what, _I_ bloody care, you fool." Now tears streamed down her face. "_I've_ lied to your mother telling her everything's just fine. _I_'ve called a search team because _I_ was worried sick and _I_'ve trudged through the mud because I _do_ bloody care if you'd throw your life away. _I_ bloody care if I'd need to cope with another guv. _I_ bloody care if I'd have to drink my pints alone. _I_ bloody care if I'd have to find me another job because everything at the Met would remind me of you and I never could bear that, Tommy."

His head jerked up and he finally recognised her tears and the concern in her face.

She sobbed and went on much more silent. "And I bloody care _a lot_ if you'd leave this earth and I'd never had the chance to tell you that I love you, you idiot. Oh, bloody hell..."

Then Barbara threw away her fears, objections and hesitancies and cared not at all that they were closely watched by the two constables who cautiously creeped around them in the little police station in Nanrunnel. She simply bent over and placed a desperate kiss onto his shocked face. The arms that surrounded her after just the split of a second and the lips that responded immediately to hers told her that she probably had said and done the right things.

* * *

**.**

* * *

**...**


	2. Friday 3 pm

**Author's note:** Right. When I had finished that _Care_ story and wrote my notes I already had a prequel forming in my mind. I can't help it. Now here's to you what had led to that scene.

Though I've re-worked it slightly for the end of this story I've kept the original version of the first chapter where and how it is.

I've decided to split this prequel into several equally short chapters so you can have a quick bite every day ;-)

Enjoy it!

* * *

**...**

**_...about 34 hours earlier. _**

**_..._**

* * *

**_Friday, around 3 pm._**

* * *

"You look good performing that aikido thing." he smiled. "Very sporty."

"You could do with some of it yourself, Sir." she cheekily said with a look at his tummy. He immediately sucked in his belly and squared his shoulders but then deflated again with a dramatic gesture as if this had exhausted him.

"Ah, Havers, but you're always by my side protecting me. I just push you into the front when it comes to a situation."

With a laugh they climbed up the stairs away from the open plan dojo. Barbara Havers had been there for another week spent with aikido lessons and wellness treatments. She knew the place and its quality (and its price) and had had saved some money to come back there. This place in Cornwall had built her up and calmed her down before, after she had physically recovered from a shot in her abdomen. The mental recovery only came later and her first aikido lessons had been the start of it back then. Tommy Lynley was glad that she had recovered so well and lately even was able to bear such rude jokes about the dangers of their work.

Now that they climbed the stairs in the bright sun with clouds of breath blown off from their noses because of the cold February wind Lynley told her that he had been at Howenstow, had heard that she was here and had come around to ask her if she wanted to spend the next days in his 'old house near the coast', like he referred to the stately old pile in the neighbourhood of Nanrunnel.

"Another lazy weekend before dull worklife begins again." he grinned.

Barbara happily agreed. Otherwise she would have had to drive home today because she only had booked the week course. Everything else would have broken her bank account. To be at a home with a butler and some servants and having nearly everything done for her, especially her laundry, was a very welcomed distraction. Not to mention the spare time she could spend with her best friend and confidant (and secret crush). And maybe she could spend some time in the stables.

* * *

The familiar smell of Lynley's old Bristol and their usual lighthearted banter and teasing brought her to his manor in no time. They arrived at about 4 in the afternoon, the sky already was quite dark and the lights coming from inside of the house made it look warm and cosy. His mother stood on the gravel outside and talked to a delivery service man. When they drove up she waved at them and smiled brightly, quickly dismissed the man and hurried to her son and Barbara.

"Barbara! What a great pleasure to see you. I hope you stay for a couple of nights. Will you?"

Only just out of the old car Barbara already found herself in a warm welcoming hug from Lady Asherton.

"Welcome back at Howenstow, Barbara."

"Thank you. It's always a pleasure to be here, Lady Asherton." Barbara answered with a shy little smile. She had not expected this intense kindness.

Lady A's face turned serious. "Oh, I simply refuse to feel adressed if you call me that. Will you do me a favour and call me Daze? Or Dorothy at least. You're a friend and not a casual acquaintance."

"Wasted effort, mother. She still calls _me_ 'Sir'." Tommy smiled and squeezed his mother's shoulder for a greeting. The uneasy relationship between those two had calmed a bit lately but still they had not totally come to terms. It still was a fragile thing.

"Tommy! You could carry her bags up to her room. Let's have some cream tea, Barbara?"

"That would be great, Dorothy." Barbara answered, more or less just to tease her boss, but it came off her lips quite easily, did not hurt at all and immediately she felt Daze's arm linking and herself dragged inside.

"Very good." the elder woman winked.

With Barbara's bags in his hands Tommy stood agape and watched their backs. Had she actually called his mother by her given name? Hey, what about him?

* * *

**.**

* * *

**...**


	3. Friday 5 pm

**Author's notes: **Bit by bit. Step by step. Little by little. But I can assure you, I'm not going to post every single hour in one chapter ;-) *giggles* Well, and maybe I give two bits a day and three on Ash Wednesday and Sunday...

* * *

**...**

* * *

_**Friday, around 5 pm.**_

* * *

Lynley, his mother and Barbara sat in the library, drinking another tea, watching out of the window and talking about riding and horses - a topic Barbara liked very much though she only had contact with those animals when she was at Howenstow - when they saw the lights of a car coming up the driveway. Soon a black Jaguar tore up the gravel in the backyard and with a final uproaring the motor stopped.

"One day he's going to complete in one of those wheeled rockets what he hasn't achieved with his drugs..." Tommy mumbled reproachfully and shook his head.

His mother put a hand onto his upper arm. "Oh, leave him his little toys, Tommy. You of all should understand it - you also like cars. You should meet in the garage and talk about those sheet metal things. Maybe you both-"

"His toys, mother? And it's not at all comparable to-"

"Oh, Tommy! Please..." Briefly Daze closed her eyes as if to close the topic. "Not now..."

Barbara watched the scene between them. She had registered that none of the two was irritated and thought that Peter did not just chanced along. Something was on the schedule and she wondered when Lynley finally would tell her into what sort of boring event he would drag her. When she watched his face now she only saw concern in Tommy's eyes which obviously was directed at his difficult little brother and there also was a certain pain. A certain sad pain she was not seeing for the first time when the topic of his brother was brought up.

She did not realise that she was watching Tommy over the rim of her tea cup. Daze did.

* * *

Meanwhile Peter had stormed into the house and now greeted his mother wholeheartedly, shook Barbara's hand with a few greeting words and simply nodded at his older brother. "Tommy."

Barbara saw how Daze put her hand onto Tommy's arm once more and squeezed it when he had taken a deep breath and was starting to say something, obviously something about Peter's pompous arrival.

So now Tommy simply said "Peter." and nodded too. The sad pain still was in his eyes. "You're coming alone?"

"Well, actually no." Peter grinned like a happy fool. "I had thought I'd pick her up at Oxford but Andrea still has some lectures to give so she will follow me tomorrow and we'll stay until Wednesday."

Daze smiled. "Andrea? Peter! Why didn't you tell anything during the previous days that you've already spent here? You're such a mystery-monger! I'm curious..."

"Oh, you will like her. She's an amazing woman. I think she'll even finds _your_ approval, Tommy. She's a reader at Oxford and we've met at the refectory. We've met a couple of times there, played tennis a lot and went to the theatre and then met more, umm, private, and now, what should I say, Mum. Though it's not been long I truly believe it's serious." The love he had for Andrea radiated from Peter's face.

Barbara watched Tommy listening to him closely and with a touch of jealousy. When Peter said that Andrea was an amazing woman, Tommy quickly had shot an unreadable glance at her which she even more quickly had avoided. Now the predominant expression of his face was this well known pain. Tommy seemed to be happy about what Peter told about his relationship but presumably did not know how to express that to his brother, especially after the little dig into his direction and so he turned angry again. Barbara had felt the want to put a soothing hand on Tommy's arm herself but had resisted because it would have been an awkward thing. Now that she registered his anger she thought she should have done it anyway. After all they still were brothers and both seemed to still care for each other, no matter what had happened and now stood between them for such a long time. They really should sort it out soon.

* * *

**.**

* * *

**...**


	4. Friday 7 pm

**Author's notes: **It's not yet Ash Wednesday but here's another chapter. A slightly longer one. Enjoy and if you did don't forget to leave a review! ;-)

* * *

**...**

* * *

_**Friday, around 7 pm.**_

* * *

Peter still was in his room and on the phone with Andrea when Judith arrived. Her arrival was the last indicator for Barbara that some sort of party was planned.

They were just about to have a simple dinner when the door swung open and brought a cold breeze of February wind into the little back kitchen where they unformally sat at an old oak wood table.

"Judith!" Daze happily greeted her. "We've expected you not until tomorrow. Good to see you. Martin! Come on in and close that door please!"

She hugged first her daughter and then the man who was introduced to Barbara as Judith's partner. For a moment Barbara frowned that everybody has a new partner except she. And Lynley that is. She shook hands with Martin and was pulled into an embrace by Judith. The hand that pulled her away again was Lynley's. He wanted to hug his sister too but his hand stayed on Barbara's shoulder for a little while longer than necessary and due to the little space in the small kitchen they were far too close for Barbara's liking. His eyes watched hers happy but thoughtful. Barbara blushed a bit since she interpreted into his look that he was happy to have her here with his family. Which he was. What she would not dare to believe. What she should not believe, she scolded herself. Anyway, first he had to greet his little sister so Barbara quickly stepped out of the way and sat down at her place.

"Jay!" Tommy and Judith hugged and then all settled back down at the table.

"Tommy, what's new?" Judith asked.

"Same old, same old. Aching back, greying hair, fading memories." He winked. Rapturously Barbara thought about his new reading glasses and smiled inwardly. "What about you, little sister?"

"Oh, nothing extraordinary. My old car's finally scrap, the roof of our cottage is restored and we're going to marry on the 21st of March."

After a second in which all had to swallow that information the cheers rose.

"So I suppose it's going to be a small ceremony? I mean, it's already February." Tommy stated when the jubilation had quieted down again.

"Sure it is." Martin said smiling broadly and squeezing his fiancée's hand. "Just a small round, the family, a few very close friends. That means you have to come too, Barbara."

The adressed blushed. She was neither family nor had she thought she was one of the close friends to Judith. Tommy smiled encouraging and he rose his hand to squeeze hers. Only halfway there he finally recognised it himself, lost his courage and diverted it to the bread basket. He hoped that nobody would have seen the kink in his movement.

Judith had and eyed him closely but his face revealed nothing.

Though she had not seen his hand Barbara understood by his encouraging smile that she was invited because she was _his_ close friend. Judith probably had told Martin about her. Barbara found it a bit odd anyway.

"You're some sort of part of the family, Barbara, you _have_ to come!" Judith prodded and showed an equally reassuring smile.

"Well, all right then." Barbara grinned at Judith. "But say, how come that you hurry things? I mean, it's only four weeks. Do you fear he runs away again or...?" No, she dared not to ask if Judith was pregnant. Judith told it herself.

Daze instantly started to cry for joy, Barbara laughed and called it great but then she saw that Tommy forced a smile onto his face. He almost imperceptibly had winced when his sister had revealed her sweet secret and now his eyes showed the other pain Barbara knew so well being there - the pain of someone whose wife had lost their baby. The shadow crossed his face once more when he recognised her pitiful look.

"Yes, well, I think I'll rearrange the orders for the beverages." Daze said with a laugh and brought Barbara's mind back to why she was here and that there must be some function or party tomorrow which she still did not know of. She _had_ to ask now. Maybe she still could squirm herself out of it or at least could buy some adequate dress tomorrow. When it was appropriate to change the subject she asked what bothered her.

"May I finally ask what sort of conspiracy takes place here? I mean, the whole family is present, you have to 'rearrange the orders for the beverages' - will there be a party or what?"

"Umm..." Daze looked baffled and with a questioning eyebrow at her son who was slightly blushing.

"What?" Judith grinned. "He hasn't told you yet?" Barbara feared the worst - one of those posh parties...

"Ah, well..." Tommy searched for words and smiled apologetically. "It's... errm, on Sunday we'll have our February barbecue - if the wind won't become a winter storm that is. It's always the 22nd of February since I was seven. And when it's a weekend's day we're still celebrating it."

"A barbecue? In _winter_? ...to celebrate _what_?" Barbara raised her eyebrows.

Now Daze wholeheartedly laughed. "It's Tommy's birthday!" Tommy blushed more and averted Barbara's sudden death glare.

"He actually hasn't told you, I can't believe it. Shame on you, son!"

Barbara had known of his birthday because she had peeped into his file at the beginning of their working partnership but since he never had made a fuss over it she never thought of the date again. Quickly she calculated and came to the solution that he was going to turn 42. At least it was no decadal anniversary.

She shook her head in disbelief. "Well, I still _could_ buy a present at Nanrunnel tomorrow _if_ I'm in the mood but I'm going to have a second and _third_ thought about that. You _really_ could have told me, Sir."

Tommy just sheepishly grinned.

* * *

**.**

* * *

**...**


	5. Friday 11 pm

**...**

* * *

_**Friday, around 11 pm.**_

* * *

Poor Lord Asherton unfortunately had been preoccupied with some important matters concerning Howenstow and the horses - and probably he still was - but Barbara, Peter, Judith and Martin had made a ride to a club, the Kernow Karol, which was _the_ club in Nanrunnel, to have some drinks and maybe a dance or two. Judith of course only could envy them for their beers and only drank orange juice. Her pregnancy also spared them the ride in a taxi.

In the powerful sports of ice hockey Barbara and Peter had found a topic to talk about and which brought them closer to each other. Although he looked exactly like the younger brother of Tommy that he was, they were quite different in character. Well, apart from their stubbornness, their suppressed short temper and their grief and anger about their troubled relationship. While Judith and Martin had danced Barbara and Peter had sat at a table and drank and talked. When their conversation meandered to work and then finally broached the subject of his brother Peter mumbled something very nasty about him.

"He didn't and he doesn't care what I do to earn a living. He doesn't care at all what I do anyway..."

He had made some small alcoholic experiments together with Barbara so both already were a bit tipsy. That probably was the reason why he did not keep it back. That probably also was the reason why Barbara did not too. She defended Tommy fiercely.

"Oh, that isn't true! He _does_ care. He does care _a lot_. He loves you, Peter, and I can tell you that he is really, really sorry about how things had gone when your father died. He's ashamed that he reacted that way and still doesn't know how to reach you, how to tell you about his feelings, how to listen to _your_ feelings because you've clammed up. He knows he's clammed up too but he has changed, Peter. He really _wants_ to talk about it."

"I can't talk to him."

"Please try it. It makes him sick feeling that he's responsible for... for your drug-career."

"Has he talked to _you_?" Peter asked with a sarcastic undertone.

"Yes, a bit." Barbara blushed. In a weak moment Tommy only once had mentioned something like what she had told Peter. "Plus it's obvious. I've watched him when you arrived today." She blushed a bit more. She had not wanted to reveal that she was watching Peter's brother but luckily Peter did not recognise her embarrassment.

"It isn't obvious for _me_. He's still in his bloody fucking world of duty and responsibility."

"Peter, he _has_ duties, he _has_ responsibilities. He is the eighth Earl of Asherton plus he is a Detective Inspector of the Met. He _has_ duties to his family and to the crown - oh, god, listen to me!" Both laughed about that and cheered with their beers. But then Barbara turned serious again. "He is your older brother, Peter, and he knows that. He knows what kind of duties that includes. Don't roll your eyes! Your brother knows that he has failed when he was a very young adult. He worries about that, he knows that he shouldn't have run away and leave you alone. And leave your mother alone and Judith. And I can tell that he still is ashamed of it. He's talked to your mother and he dearly wants you both to clear that out too."

After a long gulp from her ale she went on with her little speech, feeling that Peter started to open up a bit to the idea that one day he and Tommy will sort that problem out that stood between them for too long now.

Not too far away at the bar, watching that scene between Barbara and Peter and hearing most of it, Judith suddenly said to Martin: "She loves my brother."

Martin quizzically looked into the direction of the table. "Whom? Peter?"

Judith just shook her head and gave a short amazed laugh. "No. Not this one."

* * *

**.**

* * *

**...**


	6. Saturday 1 pm

**...**

* * *

_**Saturday, around 1 pm.**_

* * *

Breakfast had been skipped or downgraded to a simple coffee on Barbara's part and the short morning had gone by with Lynley again busy at the stables' bureau, the couples busy somewhere or other and Barbara reading and having a little smalltalk with Lady A - or Dorothy how she called her now very easy.

Just after lunch, a very informal one like dinner the previous evening, Barbara borrowed the old Land Rover from Dorothy and drove to Nanrunnel. Tommy had wanted to accompany her but of course she refused because she had to buy him a present.

"Blame yourself, Sir, you could have told me earlier." she answered his pouting. Secretly she admired his sweet expression but scolded herself immediately for her very inappropriate thoughts.

Dorothy had sardonically grinned but kept her mouth close and just shot a told-you-so-look at her sulking son.

* * *

All the way to the village and still when she strolled down the main road of Nanrunnel Barbara racked her brain about a present for her DI, for the Earl of Asherton. How personal should it be? How close was she willing to make it? And what the hell could she buy for a man who has, well, _everything_ and probably twice as much money in his coat pocket than she had on her bank account. Her head was spinning. She had some ideas but most were too cheap for him or too expensive for her. No after shave, no simple box of chocolates, no cufflinks and no wine would do. It was a difficult task to undertake.

When she passed a menswear shop she laughed about the ridiculous idea to buy him socks and a tie but that was a joke anyway - they weren't married. Barbara sighed. What a consideration... She shook her head and went on. The tie pin with the little handcuffs were too suggestive and too expensive anyway. Though Barbara could very well imagine what she would do with- Oh, dangerous grounds... To get those thoughts out of her head she blessed herself with a coffee and a scone, generously covered with jam and clotted cream. Sweetly satisfied she went on with the difficult search for an appropriate gift for Tommy.

She already had given up and opted for a box of chocolates and a calendar with 52 pictures of Cornwall when Barbara came across an antiques shop that did not look too upper-class. Well, it was worth a try and so she entered. There were many little old things, odds and ends that fitted her budget but mostly not as a present for Tommy. And still she could not decide.

Finally on the second floor she found an old dark wooden box with copper-shod edges and a copper plate on its lid coincidentally having the name 'Thomas' engraved. Was this a sign? Probably yes. The box was quite cheap because someone had ripped the compartments from the inside and fully coated it with dark green velvet in the late 1960s though the box was proved to be from around 1850, the shop owner told her. Gently stroking the name on the metal plate Barbara quarrelled with herself if she should buy it. With his name on it it indeed looked _very_ personal. On the other hand the copper plate was not heart shaped, so why not buy it. Somehow she thought it was a perfect gift and he could store his countless cufflinks in it. Wherever those rich men keep them otherwise, this would be a nice place for them. He also could store his tie pins in it. His tie pins with little handcuffs. Those would still be a sweet accessory for him, she thought with an enchanted smile. With a blushing face she recognised the knowing smile from the shop owner, quite antique himself, waiting for her decision.

She bought it.

* * *

On the way back to the manor she pictured the box on his nightstand and blushed by the mere thought of being in his bedroom.

Frustrated about the fact that she could not get rid of those futile thoughts (and about the futility itself) she opened the chocolate box and popped two at once in her mouth. Chewing she decided that the calendar of Cornwall would be nice on the wall of her own bedroom.

* * *

**.**

* * *

**...**


	7. Saturday 3 pm

**...**

* * *

_**Saturday, around 3 pm.**_

* * *

Tommy carefully opened the door to the music room where he knew Barbara had retreated for a few moments of privacy and repose. It had been a long night out yesterday and she still had to recover a bit. He saw her wrapped in a thick blanket and curled up in a ball on the settee. At the moment the sky was blue so the sun shone through the windows and let her reddish hair glow like fire. She was breathing evenly and still had her eyes closed. The book she had read had slipped off her hands and laid open on the floor. Apart from the wind blowing outside it was totally quiet in the room so Tommy could hear her breathing. She was peace incarnate. No sarcastic comments, no raised eyebrows, no defensive posture - simply a beautiful sleeping woman, he thought and swallowed. Just one or two strides and he could have woken her with a kiss. Oh, that would put her in a rage. Or maybe she would respond to his lips? Tommy had a dreamy smile on his face.

* * *

Down the corridor Daze came around the corner and stopped seeing her son standing in the doorframe watching his sergeant.

"If I wouldn't know better..." she silently wondered.

"Hm?" Judith had appeared behind her and followed her mother's gaze.

Then a light dawned on Daze and under her breath she stated amazed "He loves her."

"Oh, of this I'm sure." nodding her daughter whispered. "And she him."

Peter had just come down the stairs and also had heard the last words from his mother.

"And they both are bloody blind." he added. "Ignorant Tommy as usual." He earned a reprimanding look for that comment from both women.

Right in that moment Peter's girlfriend arrived at Howenstow and called him from the main door. "Peter!"

* * *

Of course Tommy had heard it and Barbara too, so she woke up.

Suddenly Daze had vanished around the corner, Judith had disappeared in the bathroom next to the stairs and Peter unsuspiciously had continued his walk down the stairs into the direction of Andrea's voice. "Annie-baby!"

Barbara stirred and looked at Tommy with her sleepy eyes. Unceremoniously she raked through her tousled hair and yawned, then rubbed her eyes.

"Gosh, 't was late tonight. Sorry, Sir, didn't mean to sleep that long." She smiled at him and still had the peaceful appearance from when she was sleeping. Tommy already had forgotten why he had come around and simply mirrored her slightly disoriented smile, wondering if she would object if he kissed her now.

"Sir?" she quizzically asked when he kept silent and kept staring at her.

"Oh, umm, err..." He blushed. "I just wanted to ask if you'd like to join me. I'm going to pay a visit to the stables."

"Just give me a minute."

"I give you all the time in the world, Barbara." He paused unintentionally. "Well, umm... meet me in the hall when you're ready. I'm going to have a closer look at that 'new girlfriend'."

He turned to leave when Barbara adressed him once more. "Sir?"

"Hm?"

"Be nice." She smiled, knowing his temper and advance towards arrogance too well. Recognising her boldness against her boss she blushed.

Tommy just smiled back and still wanted to kiss her. Well, Barbara probably still would object fiercely but maybe he could test the water when they were in the stables. No... He wiped away that kind of thoughts and turned to go. She was his sergeant and best friend and confidant. First of all, you do not snog the office, second, you do not snog your best friend - this never works. He had tried it and it had failed. Third, you do not snog your confidants. And last, but not at all least, you do not simply snog Barbara. She was not a quick fling, she was no convenient opportunity. She may have had her fair share of short-time dates or even one night stands but he knew she was quite unhappy about not having something long-termed, something serious, someone to build a living with.

He sighed.

Someone like him. Oh, no, he did it again. This had to stop. He and his lot were not her kind of target anyway. Tommy shook his head to stop brooding about his sergeant and put himself into gear again. Andrea and Peter finally had stopped kissing at the door and he could have a closer look at that woman. Not that he was not watching their sweet and desireful welcome anyway. Tommy blushed when he realised he had been watching his brother with Andrea for quite some time and had wished it was him with Barbara. He blushed even more when he realised that they waited for him to approach and do his duty as the Earl of this house. He cleared his throat and did as was required.

"Hello. You must be Andrea. Welcome at Howenstow. I'm Tommy, Peter's boring older brother."

* * *

**.**

* * *

**...**


	8. Saturday 4 pm

**...**

* * *

_**Saturday, around 4 pm.**_

* * *

After a friendly greeting with Andrea Barbara met Tommy in the yard in front of the stables. In the entrance hall he had not been able anymore to take his happy mother and the two lovestruck couples, beaming happiness and adoration, while he was the lonely boy, always stiff, the head of the family, the bloody eighth Earl - ugh! He was so disgusted with himself and the whole situation that he had had to leave before Barbara had joined them.

Maybe, he hoped, Barbara would unbend with the horses around. He was not sure anymore what he should think about his feelings for Sergeant Havers. She was his sergeant, for heaven's sake. She was his closest friend, one should not destroy something like what they had. Frustrated he almost banged his head against the wall. He felt more than 'friendly' when she was around. This was not good! Eventually he would frighten her away with his ridiculous feelings.

* * *

But then again nothing happened at the stables anyway. Although Barbara was as relaxed as she could have been nothing happened but Tommy putting his arm around her shoulder for about ten seconds. Then a group of young men who had been exercising the horses had come out of the riding hall and then filled the alley and the horseboxes so Tommy retreated. When the stable master additionally had to have a brief word with his Lordship every slightest romantical mood was washed away.

* * *

It was a nice afternoon nonetheless for Barbara. She savoured the warmth and the smell of horses, hay and leather. She playfully flirted with the young men who obviously thought her to be one of Lynley's lot. Before she had come to the Spa in Cornwall she had bought a new country style coat of high quality - and of a high price, so she thought she never ever again had to buy a new one - plus the way the stable master treated her - he had given her a kiss on the hand and Barbara had to suppress a chuckle because he _really_ had meant it serious - plus the familiar way she acted with the Earl may have given this wrong impression to the boys. Barbara enjoyed herself, loved to be playfully courted and answered the flirtings lightheartedly and with pure joy but without recognising that Tommy was inwardly fuming. On the other hand Tommy in his bad mood missed how she flourished, how she had her fun, how she loved how she was treated and that the whole banter with those boys only was a funny game that simply boosted her self esteem. His dislike of the flirt with the boys was purely selfish of course.

He suddenly found out that he was seriously jealous.

* * *

His mood though lightened up a bit when the boys, after a sharp word from the stable master, turned busy with their horses again and Tommy had some private time with Barbara and his beloved gelding. His radiating enthusiasm when they met the horse was infectious. Barbara only could listen to his stories from colt time on and watched happily how he told them. He was so at ease when he was with horses and the dog that seldomly left his side when he was at Howenstow. Tommy should come down here more often and not only to functions or duties or when his siblings were around, she thought. He could refuel his inner peace in the stables and on horseback. She smiled at Tommy without really having heard what he had said and without realising that she inwardly called him by his given name.

"Maybe tomorrow morning we'll find some spare time to ride?" Tommy then asked. "I'd love to see you in a saddle."

This prospect brought her out of her reveries.

"Bollocks, Sir, I should not mount one of those hugest horses in England. I'd better start with a pony. Or a donkey." she added laughing.

They stood close, next to the horse's head, feeding it with old bread rolls, caressing its nostrils. By the mentioning of donkeys and Barbara's happy laughter something inside of him snapped into place so Tommy finally stepped even closer and was about to kiss her without warning. Unfortunately his bloody horse stepped forward and between them. The moment was gone immediately and Tommy was none the wiser how Barbara would react. Deep inside he cursed the horse and nearly wished for a butcher.

Since the horse was just an innocent animal Tommy only bumped his head onto its neck and silently moaned in frustration.

Barbara had been totally unaware of what had (or had not) happened and continued to caress the horse's head talking about her donkey rides on the beach during holiday with her parents.

* * *

**.**

* * *

**...**


	9. Saturday 9 pm

**...**

* * *

_**Saturday, around 9 pm.**_

* * *

Soon it had turned dark, the evening came quickly and the family had dinner. Since they now were seven people the table was laid out in the dining room. Though the china was one of the finest, the cutlery was silverware and the napkins were of pure white linen (with the Asherton crest emroidered on it of course) Barbara had the feeling of a normal family dinner. Nobody wore formal clothings and they all talked about normal things. The conversation was easy though she sensed that they avoided some topics. Peter and Tommy almost exchanged no word. They even had issues like a normal family, Barbara sadly thought. She dearly wished she would have the guts or the buzz one day to talk to her boss like she had talked to Peter yesterday. The silence between the two brothers was awkward but none of his family seemed to find it as odd as she did. Maybe they got used to this strange situation.

After dinner they all moved into the grand salon. A fire was lit and the lights were dimmed. Everybody sat around casually on the sofas and armchairs and had a drink of his own liking. The butler only had brought some glasses and a container with ice cubes but then had vanished and much to Barbara's liking did not reappear. The chat was easy, the topics were light, even Tommy and Peter finally tried a few dialogues and kept their teasing on a friendly level. Barbara watched Tommy's eyes light up when they exchanged those rare brotherly words.

But his eyes narrowed again when Peter teased Barbara about something Tommy disapproved of very much, though it was not his business at all, he reminded himself. Peter already had been in Cornwall for six days and had seen her twice during the week, having a drink with her Aikido-Master at the Crown Inn in Nanrunnel.

"You've had enjoyed yourself very much, huh?" he grinned. "Nice young guy, and a very athletic one, I'd say."

When Peter ignored Judith's silencing glare she watched Tommy's face darken with anger. Peter knew very well what he was doing, she thought. She would have loved to kick him in the shin. Fortunately Barbara's answer let her older brother cool down his jealousy again.

"Ah, well, he's quite a sweet one." Barbara winked at Peter. "But we just sipped a couple of orange juices. Apart from his Aikido he was very boring." She rolled her eyes. "I think he still would have preferred a glass of milk, that little boy."

She quickly shot a glance at Tommy but he was busy with balancing an ice cube out of his empty glass. She frowned. He could have shown a bit of jealousy, even if it was just a mock jealousy, she thought. But he obviously was not impressed at all.

Inwardly he was sad. In fact he had felt another sudden sting of jealousy and then found himself to be entirely alone. Everybody was with someone - Peter had found Andrea, Judith was going to marry Martin (and, to top it all, was expecting a baby!), even Barbara seemed to have a new found fun with flirting with younger men. And dating them. Here. In Cornwall, in Nanrunnel. Flirting with them in his own stables even. If she was growing even more confident in everything, like she obviously was, and what filled him with joy despite all his other doomy thoughts, he knew she would diverge from him. She would find a man she could love and who would love her, of that Tommy had no doubt, and with that she would diverge from _him_, totally in the end, would leave his life forever. She did not need him.

It was not that he did not deign her happiness but right at the moment he felt so alone and without the chance to ever love again, to ever be loved again. He needed her.

Tommy poured himself another drink.

* * *

**.**

* * *

**...**


	10. Saturday 10 pm

**...**

* * *

_**Saturday, around 10 pm.**_

* * *

The later it got the more serious the topics became.

Not only Tommy's siblings had found new love in their lifes, also his mother eventually admitted that she lately had started to date a man. This was commented by an appreciative whistle from Peter which earned him a stern look from Tommy. Couldn't he grow up? Her date was serious enough to invite him for tomorrow's party. She also admitted that she finally had thought about retiring from her duties anyway. It would be time to enjoy the horses from their backs and not from behind the desk at the stables' office. And then there was this manor.

"Alfred is a widower and has a huge empty house like this. If-" and here she blushed a bit. "we're going on to meet still more frequent than now, and I have to admit that I would like that, there would be one house too much, I think." Having hinted that she might move in with that man she smiled sheepishly and blushed a bit more, something Barbara never would have expected from Lady A.

"And that would mean?" Tommy asked tight lipped.

"And that would mean... I'd probably move in with him." Daze smiled, a bit too happy for her son's liking. He suddenly was her 19-year old angry young son once more. He told himself to keep in mind that he was past this point, to keep in mind that he had no rights to tell his mother whom to love or prohibit her from loving only because he envied her for this. He told himself to keep in mind where this angry young man's behaviour would lead. He deeply sighed.

"And what about Howenstow?" he asked, still with a certain hurt in his voice.

"I don't know." his mother admitted. "I've not yet thought it over, it was just a possible development I've mentioned. And it's not my own decision anyway. Why, yes, maybe once this house will become a family home again?"

"Well, Tommy, you're in London most of the time." Judith interposed. "And even when you've been married to Helen and - sorry for bringing it up - when you've thought to raise a family with her, even then you never had thought of moving _here_."

Tommy winced but nodded. His sister was right but it had not been his decision. Helen had hated the old walls of the manor, the rural aspect of Nanrunnel's countryside and she had had no interest in the horses. Quite unlike Barbara, he thought, despite all her fears of the height of those animals. And despite all her concerns about differences and not belonging to the family she always relaxed when they spent some time here. Briefly he looked at her but she was busy with picking up a cherry in her drink. He frowned. She obviously was not at all interested in Howenstow that much to attend to the discussion.

In fact Barbara would have loved to be anywhere else in that moment. She could feel Tommy's unease in that matter and felt herself not really comfortable with the open words, so strictly avoided at the dinner table. She was quite embarrassed with how Judith blatantly talked about Helen and their unsuccessful attempt to raise a family, which she knew now was far out of reach as long as he was not dating anybody. And that was a fact she had observed for some time. He still was a single and had made no attempts lately to change that. Barbara could see that he was not happy with it but what could she do to help him?

* * *

"So, now that you are the first of us to raise a '_real family'_, would _you_ perhaps like to move in here?" Tommy asked his sister. The 'real family' was dripping with sarcasm that it even hurt Barbara. Tommy had his lips tightly pressed and it did not seem that he would smile again tonight. _Brilliant!_ Barbara thought. This is going to be a _wonderful_ evening...

"Well, as long as I'm having this job in Inverness, and I think it would be idiotic to give it up, we probably won't move to Cornwall." Martin said and Judith squeezed his hand with a nod.

"Haha!" Peter suddenly laughed. "What about we get rid of this old manor and give it to the National Trust? Isn't that a good idea?" While he went on suggesting to keep the stables and the horse business Tommy looked at him as if he had suggested to tear the walls down and raze his old childhood home.

"Are you crazy?" he asked. He thought that this could not be a serious suggestion. Tommy's face expressed a mixture of feelings that turned into a heavy anger while Peter went on spinning these thoughts and soon Barbara recognised that he was going to explode and shout at his little brother about that ridiculous idea if nobody would interfere. Everybody else seemed not to notice it and just followed Peter's strange deliberations with increasing amusement. Tommy obviously was the only one who had no fun with this ridiculously meant idea.

"Sir, can I get another... what's this that you've mixed?" she innocently asked with the purpose to keep him from finally ruin this strained evening.

Tommy deeply inhaled. With a last angry glare at Peter he managed to swallow his fury and mixed her another drink. He could do with one more, too.

* * *

**.**

* * *

**...**


	11. Saturday 11 pm

**...**

* * *

_**Saturday, around 11 pm.**_

* * *

They did not discuss it to its end. It only had been a theoretical discussion anyway and only had led to a tensed atmosphere. When Daze excused herself to retire for the evening Martin got up and mixed another round of drinks for everyone. It was an unsaid agreement that they would change the subject because it should be a more lighthearted mood when it came to the hour of midnight and they would raise their glasses to Tommy's birthday.

Barbara felt strange that she joined it, for the first time at all. A billion possibilities went through her head. Should she just shake his hands? Or should she hug him? They were close friends, so why not. Or should she even give him a peck on the cheek? With that her mind drifted away and she dreamed about kissing him on his lips for his birthday. She wondered how they would feel. She saw a little stubbly shadow on his chin so his lips probably were softer than his cheeks. While she examined his face she saw the other shadow over his eyes, this shadow that she thought would never return, this shadow once caused by feelings she thought he was through with. He looked not really happy, in fact he looked very doomed.

Nobody else seemed to notice it and she had to ask herself if his siblings were just ignorant or blind or simply busy with their own happy feelings. She decided on the latter and sipped at her lemonade. She did not want to have a hangover tomorrow so she opted for some non-alcoholic cocktail this time.

* * *

His thoughts had turned into a dark road. He pitied himself for everything. He even pitied himself for the pity coming from Barbara. Tommy saw her watching him but read it wrong. He only felt sorry for himself. He was turning 42, still was a single bloke with nothing but work, his family wanted to get rid of the ancestral seat, he was alone. No woman, no hope, and all others around him were having fun. He needed fresh air.

Eventually Tommy got up and motioned his mother's dog Limpy who had rested at his feet to follow him. Limpy wagged his tail and was glad to get another sniff of fresh air and a little relief before he would climb his basket for the night.

"Be right back." Tommy mumbled.

Judith, who followed the discussion between Peter and Martin who did not react at all, just nodded with a smile. Barbara eyed him suspiciously but answered with an uncertain "Okay..."

Tommy grabbed the lead and left the house for a quick stroll with the dog. Daze heard the door slam shut. Though she had retired she had changed her mind and thought of giving him a birthday hug at midnight. From the sound of the door and a peep through the curtains at her window she knew that this was stalled.

* * *

Ten minutes later Barbara went to the toilet and recognised that his coat still hung on its hook in the corridor. While she washed her hands she heard the increasing wind beating around the house and through the ventilation pipes. She always had found it funny that the house sometimes howled like haunted but at this moment she just worried that Tommy was outside and had no coat on.

Crossing the corridor she looked out of the window. For a change there were no clouds at all but the wind may carry some soon. She knew that the weather in Cornwall could change every two minutes, it did for the whole week she had been here, so though momentarily it was a moonlit and not too cold night it could be totally different and snowing or raining in another ten minutes.

It did. Half an hour after Tommy had left the house and not come back yet the wind poured heavy and snowy raindrops against the window panes. Peter and Martin still were engrossed in some political discussion but Judith searched for Barbara's eyes. Both women had watched the weather changing and now knew for sure that Tommy had not left for a stroll around the house with the dog. He had left for one of his angry walks Barbara had thought he was through with.

She faked to go to the toilet once more and tried to call him on his mobile phone but she was directed straight to his voice mail.

* * *

**.**

* * *

**...**


	12. Saturday 11:50 pm

**...**

* * *

_**Saturday, about ten minutes to midnight.**_

* * *

"I'm going to meet Tommy outside." she said standing in the doorframe to the salon with a pretended shy smile. Deep inside she was worrying. She already had put on her coat and scarf and decided to lie to them. The men grinned slightly suggestive but Barbara ignored it. She was aware that she had said his Lordship's given name aloud and it felt strange and not at all enjoyable to say it under those circumstances and not even directed to him. She had said it for the first time ever in front of his family. Couldn't it be _just once_ under undramatical circumstances?!

Judith understood her facial expression immediately and gave her a knowing nod.

About ten minutes later, Barbara had finished her short search around the house, the yard and the stables without success, she told herself that she had not expected to find him there anyway. Now that she was driving the Land Rover to the little police station in Nanrunnel without having asked for permission to use it this time, she received a text message from Tommy's sister.

_[ Keep me informed. I distract them here they don't have to know. He's not at Ash. View. P. Try Northern Nose ]_

Barbara noticed the time on her mobile. It was one minute past midnight. It was his birthday now. She stood at an empty junction for longer than she needed, closing her eyes for a few seconds and swallowing down her panic before she drove on. She dearly hoped that the constable on duty would know of that 'Northern Nose'. She also hoped that the constable on duty was Victor.

* * *

**.**

* * *

**...**


	13. Sunday 00:05 am

**Author's notes: **Sorry that the last chapter was such a short one. There was no satisfying way to write more so after some additions and re-writings and deletions and more additions and this and that and _ARGH!_ I was so unpleased with the result that I deleted all the redundant stuff and reduced it to its minimum, as it had been in the beginning. Next chapters are a bit longer. ;-)

* * *

**...**

* * *

_**Sunday, shortly after midnight.**_

* * *

Barbara had been at the little police station a few times before. Since she had solved that Fenner case together with Tommy and the local DS she knew some of the constables and always dropped by when she was around, though that did not happen as often as she would have wanted she sadly recognised once more, to have a few friendly words and a coffee or two. The crime scene in Nanrunnel was not as vivid as it was in London so the constables always welcomed her.

Now it was slightly different of course.

"Miss Havers, what are you doing here at this time of night?" the elderly man at the counter said after letting her in. His voice was friendly and he sounded pleased that she had dropped by at this boring nightshift. One look in her ashen face and he was alerted. He asked concerned "Or should I say Sergeant?"

"Hello, Victor." Barbara grimly nodded. She was entirely glad that _he_ had the night shift today and not another constable. Sometimes fortune favours fools. Just once in her life there had to be some bloody luck. She took a deep breath and breathed away the sob that built in her throat. "Just call me Barbara, please. Not sergeant tonight. And I truly have a problem." She swallowed and took another deep breath. She knew she could trust him. "Swear to me to keep that a secret. I'm going to call in the favour now."

During the Fenner case a few years ago she had helped him with a very delicate private thing that had to be kept a secret and he promised to return the favour one day. Tonight it was time.

"Cross my heart! What is it?" Victor asked without much ado. This woman's expression was not something to laugh about, he thought. She was trying hard to keep her composure outside from showing her inner panic. She still searched for proper words, or so it seemed. He held up the pot of tea he just had made but she shook her head. Ah, well, yes, coffee, he remembered her daily habit. Then the strange relationship he had sensed and seen between Barbara and DI Lynley from the Met came to his mind again. He was the Earl of Asherton, he remembered, and it was funny how close those two persons had been though still they also seemed to be... Get a grip, Vic. he told himself. Here's something seriously brooding.

* * *

After she had regained some straight thoughts and a bit more strength to talk Barbara depicted shortly and without details what had happened and then asked if he knew of the 'Northern Nose'. Victor described the coastal shape north of Nanrunnel. It was quickly reached on the Coast Path, even from the Earl's manor he added, but the road up there was quite a bit longer. The cliffs at the way up there were steep and slightly unstable in winter, he admitted, wich did not appeased Barbara's fears at all. He regretted to have it mentioned in the instant he had seen her panicky expression. He kept it a secret that they had to have the footpath diverted three times since November last year.

"I'll call Kit. She's on call and knows the area from childhood on. And she is trustworthy." He added after he noticed Barbara's doubting look. But since she really confided in his judgement she agreed and he quickly drove her with the police's ATV to the place nearest to the Coastal Path where the car could be parked and they could search through the mud and rain on foot.

On the way there Barbara's phone rang with a call from Daze. She let it ring for a while before she answered. She did not want to talk to her now - what should she say anyway? Barbara audibly cleared her throat and sang a fake-happy "Hiya!" into the receiver followed by some sort of a laugh. Her voice was shaking just enough to interpret everything in it. She did not fake it and in fact it was fear not fun that made her voice trembling.

"Am I interrupting? Where are you?"

"Oh, umm, aah, well, not really. We... well... " Barbara let go of a short nervous laugh. _Really_ nervous. " Oh, everything's just fine, Dorothy..." Daze almost had put the words into her mouth and it would perfectly suit as an excuse so Barbara tried to sound as if she and Tommy indeed had been interrupted. At whatever Daze might think they were doing. As if they ever would... "I'm just... errm... "

Daze laughed and stopped Barbara's rambling. "Just tell me when we'll meet you again, I couldn't reach Tommy's mobile." She sounded amused. Obviously Judith had been successful in telling a good story. At the moment Barbara did not care at all that Tommy's mother probably had the wrongest impression ever possible about this bloody situation.

"Yah, well, tomorrow morning, I think. Don't wait with breakfast." She tried to sound lighthearted and cheeky but almost choked at her tears because she did not know at all how this was going to end or when.

"Very well. Goodnight, you two."

After she disconnected Barbara nastily cursed and wiped away her tears. Victor pretended not to see it and just sped up a bit.

She texted Judith.

_[ Heading for NN. 2 PCs with me. Daze thinks we're 'busy' ]  
_

Which we aren't at all, she bitterly thought. Bloody hell, this had to turn out all right. It had to.

* * *

**.**

* * *

**...**


	14. Sunday 00:20 am

**...**

* * *

_**Sunday, about 0:20 am.**_

* * *

They met with Kit Sheridan, the other constable, on a farm lane north of Nanrunnel. She was a short, robust woman at about the same age like Barbara with a flaming red mop of curly hair. Whatever Victor had texted her, she seemed to know how miserable Barbara felt. She did not ask too much and nothing that would embarrass Barbara and definitely nothing at all that would trouble her even more than she already was. Kit placed a comfortingly reassuring hand on Barbara's shoulder and squeezing it she told her that they would find him sound and safe.

Kit led them down the farm lane and across a muddy and slippery meadow.

Meanwhile the weather had turned icy cold, the rain had reached an uncomfortable level and the wind was blowing heavy. Barbara somehow was glad that it rained because thereby the constables did not see the tears that now were flowing free. On the other hand it was not the most suitable weather for a leisure stroll without a coat along the Coastal Path where she expected Tommy to walk. She swallowed. Oh, she simply had enough of his escapades. After he had returned to the Met and they had solved the Thompson case she really had thought he was through with those dark moods that made him 'just go on a walk' but now he had done it again. And this time she had grown closer to him during the last months, they had put their comforting friendship on a new level (with their usual borders of course) so she now was even more concerned than she had been the previous times he had gone on one of his bloody, silly walks.

Barbara had witnessed two days of his troubled family life, two days stuffed with joy, fun, laughter, suppressed arguments, hidden envy and covered sadness. All throughout those two days and apart from a few of those lighthearted moments she had watched his mood slipping down into darkness by everything that was talked about and she thought she had done nothing to prevent that. She believed she just had watched. She just had watched him getting hurt by everybody finding love but him.

If he ever would know that she loved him, she thought and got shocked by her own thoughts. Gosh, indeed, he _was_ loved. No, she could not tell him. And what would that change for him anyway? To be loved by his clumsy sergeant - ridiculous!

* * *

Slipping through a puddle Barbara remembered why they were walking here in the rain and wind. She started to fear deeply for his life, she was afraid that something horrible might have happened. She dreaded to think that she could lose him.

The three police officers walked across the meadow until they reached the Coastal Path. After she got another quick briefing from Victor Kit co-ordinated the little team.

"I'm heading east for about half an hour or until I reach Ricky Rock. Or I'll receive a call from you. Victor, you and Barbara are going westward for about thirty minutes or until you reach the creek. Or I'll call you when _I've_ found him. Take the safety rope and have a special look down the steps at the Buckled Oak. There is a hidden bench on a view point. He might have searched shelter there though I don't think... well, never mind. There's a handrail but you still might need the rope to get down the slippery muddy way. Unlikely that you'll see the sea but you'll hear it there forcefully. Be careful, especially at that place."

The look she gave Victor when Barbara had her eyes somewhere else told him that they had to find him in those scheduled 30 minutes or else they probably won't find him at all tonight and Victor knew what that meant. He almost unnoticeably nodded.

Kit squeezed Barbara's elbow and smiled encouraging. "Things will fall into place, Sarge." Barbara winced at that. How she wished exactly this in so many ways. "Take care, both of you."

Victor and Barbara returned her good wish and with that they all went their way.

Barbara quickly texted Judith.

_[ Splitted search at NN now. Awful weather ]_

She did not mention the poor state of the path. Judith would know how badly a little bit of drizzle could change the Coastal Path, she would also know what the actual heavy rain would cause.

Soon she received an answer.

[ Please take care ! ]

* * *

**.**

* * *

**...**


	15. Sunday 00:45 am

**Author's note: **I've walked parts of the SWCP somewhere in the south east of Cornwall in January (in daylight ;-) ) and know of the steeps, cliffs, diversions, some view points and the wind and rain but I have no _special_ spot in mind. It's easy because the BBC itself had shamelessly used the best places. Think of the 36 miles between Kestle Mills (where they located Howenstow) and Kennack Sands (where T &amp; B had gone by foot in what seemed ten minutes tops) ;-)**  
**

**...**

* * *

_**Sunday, about 0:45 am.**_

* * *

Barbara stumbled through the rain. The muddy ground was absolutely not easy to walk on and the wind was of no great help either. It was icy cold and the snowy raindrops pierced her face. Some parts of the way were a bit sheltered by bushes but mostly they went on open plan, the mounds softly rising to their right and the cliffs dropping deep a few yards behind the low scrub to their left, sometimes only a few feet away and only secured with a fence, the waves of the sea then audible even through the blowing wind. With a bright lamp illuminating the path Victor lead the way and Barbara, with just a small lamp, was glad that she could just watch her steps and not the way, letting her thoughts run and her feet just go where Victor's feet stepped in front of her.

Once she had not been careful enough and slipped on the grass of the slanted meadow next to the unusable mud pool that once was a footpath and so her right side was wet and muddy when they walked on.

Concern, panic and anger fought a war in her mind and in her belly. Her heart had retreated to hope and let the other argue. The important thing, well, the _only_ thing that mattered was that they would find him. Find him soon and find him alive. If she would blast him or kiss him then did not matter yet. She changed her mind every step she took on that path.

When they crossed another trickle after a steep way down she cared not at all if there were stepping stones. She just went through the ford and stoically climbed the steep path on the other side with now soaking wet sneakers.

It had been a good thing that they got the hint with the view point down the steps at the Buckled Oak. Luckily they did not need the safety rope to climb down though they still had tied it around its stem in case they would need it on their way up.

* * *

Barbara heard a dog barking at the bottom of the steps and her heart made a jump. Oh, gods, it sounded like Limpy and still it could mean everything. Carefully she followed Victor down the steps. The sounds of crushing waves beneath their way were growing louder. Barbara dared not to think of _anything_ now. She was entirely tensed.

* * *

Indeed they found Lynley there. It took a load off Barbara's mind. Her DI sat on the bench under a rock with a bush that only sheltered it the slightest bit. He was soaking wet and probably chilled to the bone. His face was almost expressionless with a hint of doomed pain - like when he had left the salon at Howenstow. Limpy gave a welcoming woof. The poor dog had hid under the bench and now looked at the rescuers reproachfully but did not leave his shelter. They really could have shown up earlier and helped him with that odd human sitting above him in the cold rain.

"Lynley! Come on, please get up, Sir." Victor said while he dialled Kit's number. "We need to get you somewhere warm and dry."

"Oh... hello..." Tommy mumbled almost disinterested though his eyes lit up with a sad smile when he recognised Barbara coming down the steps behind Victor. "Barbara!" he whispered.

Barbara just swallowed again and again and then showed her joy that she had found them only to the dog at first. She still was not sure if she should smack Tommy's face or kiss it. He was such a bloody idiot but she was so entirely glad to have him back alive. A fair amount of anger flooded her voice and words when she finally managed to address Tommy. She grabbed his elbow and forcefully helped him up from the bench. Tommy obeyed without a word when she nudged him into the direction of the steps.

"Move your bloody poncy arse, Sir. Sharp's the word." she grunted. Still the raindrops veiled her tears. He of all should not see her crying for him. "Up those steps with you, your bloody Lordship. I want to get out of this fuckin' nasty weather."

She was in a bloody bad mood, Victor thought. He had not heard such cursing from her before.

* * *

They met Kit where they had left the cars and all four quickly drove back to the police station to warm up the sorry figure that Tommy cutted. At the station there would be a heating blanket for him and a very welcomed kettle to make a hot tea for everybody.

Barbara informed Judith as soon as they entered the car.

_[ Got him intact but cold. Bloody idiot. Driving to nanrunnel police station. Limpy too ]_

She cuddled with the poor wet and muddy dog who was glad that he was out of this nasty weather.

* * *

**.**

* * *

**...**


	16. Sunday 1 am

**.**

* * *

**There were some difficulties with the timer or else, I don't know. **

**If you have not yet noticed: ch 15 is also posted a few hours ago.**

* * *

**Author's notes: **Well, when you really have read chapter **15** we can go on. Now we return to the beginning of this story. I've left the 1st chapter as it is but revised it and added a few things before I put it in here once more.

* * *

**...**

* * *

_**Sunday, around 1 am.**_

* * *

They arrived at the police station and Kit immediately went to make some tea for everybody. With an absent expression Lynley got rid of his soaked jumper and dried his hair with the towel Victor offered. The constable also brought a heating blanket and then went back to his desk to give them some space alone. He sensed that the Detective Sergeant had something to say to the DI. She had stayed icily silent all the way to the office.

When Kit had brought the tea and vanished again to pamper the poor dog Barbara finally opened her mouth.

* * *

**...**

* * *

"Never ever do that again, Sir! _Never_!" her voice broke.

"Ah, well, who cares?" Tommy slumped down on a bench and raked his hand through his dark and still damp hair. Barbara attentively placed a heating blanket around his shoulders and gave him a mug of steaming hot tea.

"Who cares?!" she shouted at her boss. She was so sick of his bloody dark moods. He should finally start to face problems and not run away from them. And he should finally start to have a closer look at the people that surround him and love him. "You seriously ask who cares?! I tell you, who cares. Your mother cares. A lot. Your sister cares. Even your brother cares if you're trying to kill yourself by walking the Coastal Path in the night! In the middle of a heavy cold rain! In February! With nothing on but a woollen jumper. _A jumper!_"

She shook her head in disbelief. "Now drink that tea, you need some heat in your stomach."

"Mmmh, I don't care." He had not tried to kill himself, he just had been, well, absentminded, he would say. Walking that way without even thinking where he goes to. Maybe a bit angry with the world that obviously had turned against him. Ah, well, and indifferent, he would admit. He had not cared about where his feet were leading him. He had had to think. Anyway he took a sip of that warming liquid and listened to Barbara's continuing blast.

"_You_ might not care, Sir, but guess what, _I_ bloody care, you fool." Now tears streamed down her face again. "_I've_ lied to your mother telling her everything's just fine. I_'_ve called a search team because _I_ was worried sick and _I_'ve trudged through the mud because I _do_ bloody care if you'd throw your life away. _I_ bloody care if I'd need to cope with another guv. _I_ bloody care if I'd have to drink my pints alone. _I_ bloody care if I'd have to find me another job because everything at the Met would remind me of you and I never could bear that, Tommy."

Hearing his name from her lips, like he had wanted for years, his head jerked up and he finally recognised her tears and the concern in her face. His unbelieving expression stole most of her thunder.

She sobbed and went on much more silent. "And I bloody care _a lot_ if you'd leave this earth and I'd never had the chance to tell you that I love you, you idiot. Oh, bloody hell..."

Then Barbara threw away her fears, objections and hesitancies and cared not at all that they were closely watched by the two constables who cautiously creeped around them in the little police station in Nanrunnel. She simply bent over and placed a desperate kiss onto his shocked face. The arms that surrounded her after just the split of a second and the lips that responded immediately to hers told her that she probably had said and done the right things.

And it felt very right for her

* * *

**...**

* * *

**.**

* * *

**...**


	17. the other retrospect

****...****

****Author's notes: ****You may all have a different Limpy in your head. I can very well picture an absolutely not limply running and swimming eleven year old reddish Golden Retriever with faithful eyes, a slightly greyed face and thick curls which beg for ruffling and cuddling :-D

**More notes:** So far I have tortured (or bored) you with very short chapters and a re-run. Now, here's a longer one:

* * *

**.**

**... the _other_ retrospect**

**.**

* * *

"Be right back." he had mumbled. He had just needed some fresh air.

* * *

He had slipped into his Wellies and patted Limpy's head who impatiently had waited for his human to get dressed.

* * *

"Come, good boy. The wind's waiting for us." The dog was happy to get out there, bounced around and joyfully ran left and right. They made their way around the house and across the yard, then past the stables and over the stonewall to the meadows. With the dog on his leash Tommy walked down the footpath to the bench at the coast line. Asherton View Point it was called.

Tommy needed a few long moments alone. He needed some wind ruffling through his hair. He did not care that he only wore his woollen jumper and no scarf. Although he had become quite accustomed to his convenient life in the capital he still was a Cornish boy deep inside and that meant that he was weather-proof. Besides it was not raining at the moment. The sky was clear, the stars twinkled and the moon shone brightly. If it would not have been a February night it would have been a _perfect_ night for a walk.

After crossing the gate in the fence on the other side of the meadow Tommy let the dog off his leash. They walked for about five more minutes until they reached the South West Coast Path. There he stopped and watched out across the sea. He could hear the waves crushing against the shore deep down beneath the narrow footpath.

He suddenly realised that he never had been here with Barbara though she had been at Howenstow with him a few times now. Attending some party or just relaxing for a weekend. A few nice days out of the big city after a long case. But they never had walked up to this bench. He should have shown her this view point. He should have shown her more than this or his estates or Nanrunnel. He should have... ah, blimey... for what? "To make a fool of yourself, Tommy?" he spoke into the wind.

* * *

His thoughts wandered, he brooded, he wallowed, he fumed. With all his anger and rage about himself and the world he threw some stones into the sea far away until he had to whistle back the poor dog who thought his human was playing fetch-the-stick.

"No, no, no! Stay here, good boy, don't jump down there..." Tommy thought that jumping down would be an easy end for all this bloody mess he lived in.

He wouldn't jump. Though it was tempting. To end all misery in one giant leap down the cliffs.

"No." he said more to himself. Limpy eyed him attentively. "Bloody life this is, Limpy. _You're_ such a lucky one. Yeees, goood boy!" Tommy ruffled Limpy's head and ears. "Oh, such a lucky one... Just eating and sleeping, a walk from time to time and in the evening being cuddled." He gave a short mocking laugh. Limpy wagged his tail. "And the latter's the important thing, old boy. At your home. Wherever that might be..."

His voice trailed off. Tommy let his eyes wander across the sea that looked like lead in the dark. The moon started to hide behind scuds more often now. The waves' crushing could be heard, the rest of the water, further afar than the gurgling shore line down there, looked silent in the night. He knew it was not.

"Oh, the latter, Limpy, the latter's what really counts. Not the sweet miserable cooking skills, not the... sleeping..." He thought of nights he had spent with Barbara so near to him and yet so far - she in her own bedroom and he on her couch, in the hotelroom on the other side of the corridor, in the tiny space on the other side of the thin wall of a caravan even. Oh yes, he had enjoyed the stay there, the proximity. And he had berated himself for this since he still was a married man.

A married man who could not deny that he had liked that tiny space thanks to Barbara's presence and enthusiasm.

"Far, far away... out of reach..." Or in different wings of Howenstow. Howenstow... How long will he have the chance to come down here? Who is the one that would make a family home out of it like it once had been to him? Who would be the one that will continue the succession of the Ashertons? He did not believe that he would be the one, in fact he felt very sure about that. Ah, bloody...

Tommy needed to move. He needed to walk. He needed some time to think. He needed to get it off his head. Everything.

* * *

"What about a further walk, Limpy?" Tommy looked up the path. He could do with some work out. A bit of exercise to clear his head. In his opinion the people he had left in the warm salon at Howenstow would not miss him anyway. They're all so busy with their new loves. Well, appart from Barbara, but she was not focussed on him anyway, was she? Tommy snorted and glared at the dog. "Ah, who bloody cares?"

With Limpy running back and forth he walked through the night along the Coastal Path. He knew the way, to the west and to the east of the Asherton's View Point. Even further than the Northern Nose and way behind the Creepy Creek's Cave. He had walked the path for a million times, day and night, rain or shine, alone or with the dogs or even with his father sometimes when he was a boy and at home for summer holidays. He knew the steeps and corners, the steps and the creeks and the fords. He just had to let his feet move. His thoughts wandered everywhere and nowhere, his mind dug deeper and deeper, his thoughts turned darker and darker. He pitied himself. He envied everyone for everything.

This once walking on his own, walking alone through the night was not the right cure for him, but he did not yet realise it. He knew that something important was missing, but he did not yet know what that was. Or better _who_ that was.

* * *

He did not feel that the wind grew heavier. He did not feel the temperature falling even more. He did not recognise that it had started to drizzle. In his indifferent mood he did not notice the drizzle turning into rain, he did not feel the rain turning into snowy needles in his face. And he did not care. He just walked and walked, up some steps or down a meadow where the path was too muddy. A small battery torch illuminated the path while the world turned darker without a moon shining and without any cheerful thoughts in Lord Asherton's mind.

* * *

Limpy did not understand humans. He had happily agreed on the walk but the draw for a warm fireplace and some tenderly cuddling hands he knew to be there had called him some time ago. He now mostly trotted behind Tommy who had no eyes for nothing but the path before him until he climbed down some steps and slumped down somewhere on a bench. Limpy sensed that he was wallowing in self-pity and that this could be a longer stay than he actually wanted to have, so the poor dog crawled under it.

At least there he was a bit more sheltered than his stupid human above him on that bench.

It was indeed a long moment that they stayed there.

When he heard voices at the top of the steps Limpy barked but did not leave his dry place. Two persons with bright torches approached. The little light above him had gone out some time ago.

* * *

"Come on, please get up, Sir." a male voice seemed to address Lynley with some more words he did not fully hear. Tommy looked up and wondered who on earth would walk here in the night. It was a police constable. Well, he did not mind. Almost disinterested he mumbled some greetings and then his eyes spotted Barbara behind the police officer. His heart made a happy leap. "Barbara!" he whispered but Barbara only hugged the dog. Ah, well, she just went here to get the dog home again. He probably was not being searched for, Tommy thought disappointed.

He endured her forceful nudge to the steps. Of course he would follow, of course he would function, of course he would automatically go on with his life. Of course...

Barbara's voice was not covered with any friendliness when she grunted some nasty words to get him moving. Yes, yes, he was on his way. Were there tears in her eyes? Probably it was just rain.

"...your bloody Lordship." came through to his mind. For sure, it must be the rain. She was not crying for him. How could he have such a ridiculous idea... She just wanted to get out of this fuckin' nasty weather.

When they finally sat in the police car Barbara immediately wrote a text message on her mobile without so much as looking at him. And when she finished that she cuddled with Limpy.

What have I become? Tommy thought. I'm envious of a dog. What a poor figure I am...

Being cuddled... He sighed. Bloody dog!

* * *

**...**

* * *

He was driven to the police station. Inside he absentminded got rid of his wet jumper and dried his hair with a towel. The two constables took Limpy and went away. He was alone with Barbara but he sensed that she had something to say to him. She looked a bit... angry? Was she wild at him? But why? What had he done?

* * *

"Never ever do that again, Sir! _Never_!" Tommy thought that he heard her voice breaking but wiped it away as betrayal from his ears. His mind probably only made him hear what he wanted to hear.

"Ah, well, who cares?" He slumped down on a bench and raked his hand through his dark and still damp hair. A pleasant warmth spread through him when Barbara attentively placed a heating blanket around his shoulders. It was the gesture not the blanket that made him feel warm inside. No, she probably just felt responsible for his health because his mother might have told her to search for him or whatever. With both hands he clutched the mug of steaming hot tea she had given him.

"Who cares?!" Barbara shouted at him. "You seriously ask who cares?! I tell you, who cares. Your mother cares. A lot. Your sister cares. Even your brother cares if you're trying to kill yourself by walking the Coastal Path in the night! In the middle of a heavy cold rain! In February! With nothing on but a woollen jumper. _A jumper!_"

She shook her head in disbelief. "Now drink that tea, you need some heat in your stomach."

"Mmmh, I don't care." He had not tried to kill himself, well, not really. There was still some sense in his dull brain...

He just had been, well, absentminded, he would say. Walking for the purpose of walking, of getting his mind cleared. Maybe a bit angry with the world that obviously had turned against him. Ah, well, and indifferent, he admitted to himself. Who cares about where his feet were leading him when he has to think? Anyway, he thought. Defeated he took a sip of that warming liquid and listened to Barbara's continuing blast.

"_You_ might not care, Sir, but guess what, _I_ bloody care, you fool." She paused. "_I've_ lied to your mother telling her everything's just fine. I_'_ve called a search team because _I_ was worried sick and _I_'ve trudged through the mud because I _do_ bloody care if you'd throw your life away. _I_ bloody care if I'd need to cope with another guv. _I_ bloody care if I'd have to drink my pints alone. _I_ bloody care if I'd have to find me another job because everything at the Met would remind me of you and I never could bear that, Tommy."

What?! Did she just say his name? His head jerked up and he finally recognised that there were indeed tears in her eyes and serious concern in her face. Plus a worried pain he had not seen before. And she had called him Tommy. He looked at her in disbelief, recognising her facial features suddenly getting softer.

Tommy's heart almost broke when Barbara finally sobbed. She continued her speech much more silent. "And I bloody care _a lot_ if you'd leave this earth and I'd never had the chance to tell you that I love you, you idiot. Oh, bloody hell..."

Then Barbara bent over and placed a desperate kiss onto his shocked face. Tommy's heart skipped a beat and after this split of a second his arms embraced her. His lips already had responded to hers immediately and on their own. He only had one single very good feeling now, he only could think of one single thing when they kissed.

* * *

**...**

* * *

She had said she loved him. Oh, he was such an idiot.

* * *

**.**

* * *

**...**

* * *

**Author's notes: **Now the two flashbacks are on the same level. We're at the end of chapter 1 again. As you might have noticed there still are the three TBC-dots - which means the sequel follows! ;-)

* * *

**\- insert commercial break here -**

**^.^**


	18. Time had stopped

**Author's note: **I'm glad that you are still here with me (bloody commercial breaks ;-) ). We had the first fragment, we had the prequel with a double flashback, so now here's the sequel.**  
**

Enjoy it and don't forget to leave a review!

Tess

* * *

**...**

_**Sunday, still around 1 am. Time had stopped.**_

**...**

* * *

Kit had gone back home again without them noticing. Victor had hidden himself anywhere and had taken the poor confused dog with him. Tommy and Barbara did not know where the constable had gone and they did not care at all. They exchanged a kiss that included ten years of good friendship, at least five years of hidden love and a sizeable amount of despair. Plus the relief that washed over them after a stormy night. Stormy in so many ways. Tommy clung to her as if she was his buoy in the troubled sea of his life. In fact she was.

In fact he was something alike to her. Barbara melted into his embrace as if she had not expected to find him alive. A suppressed part of her had feared exactly that and now was joyfully cheering.

Since she stood there in an unconvenient position she had to end the kiss and stretched her back. They were totally out of breath. Tommy only reluctantly had let her lips go and now kept his arms around her waist. With closed eyes he placed his face onto her belly.

"Don't go, Barbara, don't ever go." he murmured. There was a huge amount of desperation in his voice. "Please keep holding me."

"I will, you stupid, bloody idiot." Barbara answered grumbling and fondled his nape. With her other hand she wiped away her still running tears. She placed a kiss on top of his head. "As long as you want, Tommy." Somewhere in the back of her head she was sure that it may not be forever and he may not answer her intense feelings for him but she did not care right at the moment. She had found him alive and that was all that mattered for the moment.

And the kiss.

She still had the smell of sweet milky tea on her tongue that _he_ had left there. She could hear him mumbling onto her belly.

"I love you, Barbara. I need you. Don't _ever_ go!"

Barbara sobbed again. He should not tell her he loved her. This could not possibly be true, could it. It was said under the impulse of the moment and she also should not have told him she loved him. In fact this was meant to be kept as a secret forever. Now he knew. And they had kissed. And he still held her. What a turmoil...

* * *

Tommy still buried his face in the wool of her jumper. It felt as if he silently sobbed too. His voice sounded broken and a bit creaky when he incoherently mumbled onto her belly.

"Oh, Barbara... I don't want to go home now. Not yet... please stay with me in Nanrunnel tonight. It's... stay at my cottage. You... I don't dare to face my family. Not now. We... I want to... I want you to... That... I want to hold you... please will you hold me? Oh, _please_ stay with me tonight..."

Barbara tried to wriggle free from his arms. He was not really asking if... ?! She swallowed. He could not seriously want her to... ?! She had to clear her throat. "Are you expecting me to... to spend the night with you _now_, Sir? You're not serious, are you?!" Her voice was full of disbelief and reproach. How, in such a moment, could he think of...

"Would you? Please..." Tommy did not sense that he had given her the wrong impression.

"Are you freaking crazy, you bloody idiot?!" Barbara ranted and pushed him away. "I was risking my health running through the mud and rain on this little narrow path at your bloody coast and now you're asking me if I'd... _reward_ you with _sex_?!" Now her voice was layered with disgust. She almost had raised her hand to slap his face. _How could he?!_

"No, I..." When he finally looked up to her she saw his eyes shimmering with tears and she almost melted immediately. "I fear to be alone tonight. I just... I only want to hold you. I just want to feel a living... a loving person next to me, near to me. I don't want you to... well.. It's not... You just are... I..." He swallowed and let his head hang down. Merely audible he added "I thought I'm through with these moods. And I just don't want to stay at Howenstow tonight. Will you stay with me please? I have a cottage in Nanrunnel... There are even two bedrooms, Barbara, please..."

She could not stand his eyes, she could not stand his pleas, she could not stand his creaky voice, so sorry for everything. She could not stand his soft dark eyes that looked at her so suppliant and devoted. And she could not stand her own need for his proximity, her own longing to stay next to him tonight. Tomorrow. Forever, if he wished. In the end she agreed. "Oh, hell, I'm a weak mess..." she murmured.

Tommy's eyes gleamed with joy and relief.

* * *

Sensing that the troubled high waves between the two had ebbed a bit and knowing that the DI had to get out of those wet clothes soon, Victor showed up in the corridor again and held up a police jogging suit of Tommy's size. Tommy just took it but kept his wet clothes on. He promised to have a hot shower as soon as possible and then to change into the dry cloth immediately. And yes, he would get under a thick blanket and have a proper night's sleep. The elder constable's concern was heartwarming.

After having her own jeans cleaned a bit as long as it was wet anyway, Tommy and Barbara bid Vic a good night and a hopefully now peaceful shift. They left the Land Rover where it stood. The cottage was not too far away from the police station and they went by foot. The weather seemed to mock them because there was no rain anymore and the wind had ebbed considerably. Nonetheless it was icy cold now and Barbara was entirely glad that she could get him into the warmth of four walls soon. It was a welcome fact that they did not have to face his family right now.

The village streets of Nanrunnel were deserted at that hour of night and Barbara was glad that they did not meet any other people even though they would probably be strangers anyway. At least to her but meeting people who knew his Lordship was absolutely not on her favourite list now. She did not want _anybody_ to see her DI in the bedraggled and feeble state he was in.

They walked in silence. Tommy felt that she avoided his touch and he dared not to search for her hand to hold it.

* * *

Barbara received a text message from Judith.

_[ How is he? When do u come home? Others gone sleeping ]_

She answered immediately.

_[ He's a mess. We stay in nanrunnel cottage. CU tomorrow. THX ]_

A last message reached her when they stood in front of the green door to Emerald Cottage.

_[ No, thank YOU ]_

* * *

**.**

* * *

**...**

* * *

**Author's notes: **And thank YOU, dear readers, for all your reviews and PMs. I always appreciate them.


	19. Emerald Cottage

**Author's notes: **All right, now that the main thing had happened I'm probably going to post longer chapters without that time code. Time stood still anyway, didn't it? ;-)

* * *

**...**

**Emerald Cottage**

**...**

* * *

Inside the cosy little cottage Tommy immediately went upstairs into the little bathroom to have that requested hot shower. Downstairs was a small kitchen and a living room with a fireplace and a sofa. Barbara checked if it was a pull-out sofa bed. She seriously did not want to share the sheets with Tommy. Not under those circumstances. Not now. Not yet. She would not let him take advantage of the situation and she would not take it either, though she also feared a bit that this might be her only chance. And when they had kissed she definitely had felt something stirring deep inside-

Barbara shook her head to get that unwanted thoughts out of her brain. "Bollocks..." she murmured. "As if he ever..." She lit the already prepared fire and promptly Limpy rolled up in a ball in front of the warm crackling.

Barbara listened to the sounds of the shower and ruffled the dog's fur.

"You and me, Limpy, we are some kind of devotees, aren't we?" she mumbled to the dog. He gave a small yelping sound and looked back at her with his attentive and faithful eyes. "Now get some rest, good boy, you deserve it."

With that she got up and prepared another pot of tea. She could do with some hot liquid in her stomach as well.

* * *

His steaming cup already stood waiting on the small table next to the sofa when he came down the stairs. He had put on the dry jogging suit and was barefoot. Suddenly the thought that he presumably had taken off _all_ of his wet clothes shot through her mind and made her nervous.

"Get yourself under that blanket, Sir." she croaked. "You shouldn't get too cold feet!"

With a rueful smile he did as told and hid his feet under the warm wool too. The first sips of the warming liquid were running down Tommy's throat and thankfully warmed his body from inside. Something other would warm him even more.

"What about you go on calling me Tommy?" he dared to ask her with a low voice. "I'd love to hear it and I'm sick of being put so far away from you with this single word, Barbara."

"I'm sick of _so many_ things, Tommy." Barbara silently answered. He blushed and averted his eyes.

"I'm sorry."

They sipped at their tea for quite a while, saying nothing, following their own thoughts.

Despite all her concerns about the situation, about that thing with the spur of the moment that could blind you for the real life truths she thought that something may have started. It had not started the way Barbara always had imagined it would, but it was a start somehow. She wanted it to continue and only wished that Tommy wanted that too. Otherwise it would be the hell at work. But maybe it was truly _not_ on the spur of the moment when he had said that he loved her? _She_ had meant it seriously.

And something had to end. Tommy knew that he had to face his demons, that he had to stop running away, that he had to stop keeping it all inside, bottling it up until it overspilled. It would be easier now that he knew... now that he hopefully wished to have Barbara by his side. Yes, she was right, and he knew it himself that he too frequently avoided those encounters. It was so easy just to ignore them by walking away. And he should stop being so selfishly jealous, he knew that too. It obviously was unnecessary.

She had said she loved him.

And then he had offended her with the suggestion to stay at his cottage. Tommy inwardly cursed. He had not _that_ in mind. He had not wanted to make it sound like he just wanted... What? A little more time away. A little more time with nobody but Barbara. A little more time to convince her that he nloved her, that he needed her, and yes, that he wanted her, too. And he admitted to himself that he in fact was kind of running away again. He could have gone back to Howenstow and start to face things right now. A fearful shiver washed over him. _Not yet._ he thought and just wished that Barbara would hold him.

* * *

After Barbara had poured them both a second cup of tea he held up the blanket and offered a warm place for her cold feet.

Meanwhile they both sat with their backs against the high armrests and now with their legs on the sofa under the blanket. Tentatively Barbara tried to avoid contact of her feet with his thighs until Tommy unceremoniously took them and rubbed them warm. He cautiously rearranged their legs until she had hers between his and her feet standing on his belly under his jumper.

"You shouldn't get cold feet either, Barbara."

"Ta." She blushed a little.

"Good that you've lit the fire." Tommy smiled.

"Good that you have this cottage." She should _not_ be sarcastic, she immediately told herself. Tommy briefly closed his eyes. A habit he had learned from his mother, or so it seemed.

"Emerald Cottage had been my first investment when I was a young man." Tommy said. He told her about how his father had helped him at the age of 16 to find it, how they worked out a financing plan, how he had learned about the business with properties before he had found his deep love and interest for horses and then the satisfaction of being a police man.

Barbara just listened and became a bit sleepy. After all it meanwhile was about two o'clock. Her head was bent sideways and laid on the backrest of the sofa when Tommy stopped in the middle of a sentence and smiled at her.

"I bore you, huh?"

"No, it's just... ah, never mind..." Barbara yawned. As much as she loved listening to the stories of his youth she would have loved to talk about some serious things with him. Now. But yes, she would love to go to sleep as well.

"This sofa could be pulled out." Tommy smiled and caressed her feet. Quickly he added that he did not want to take advantage of the situation. "But I don't want to be separated from you either. We could just lay here, with the fire and Limpy at the foot end. Upstairs are some spare blankets so we can have two separate duvets instead of the big one, we could go on talking, I could still have you by my side, go on having just a bit of conversa-"

"Tommy, it's okay." Barbara gently cut him short. "I don't want to be disconnected from you either. Give me your mug. I'll put them away, you'll make the bed."

When she returned she already had pulled off her jumper and secretly got rid of her bra. Barbara turned off the lights and put another big log onto the fire so they could have a bit of light from it. Tommy still was busy with a pillow so she quickly took off her jeans and, clad only in her knickers and a T-shirt, she vanished under the king size duvet. Tommy in his police jogging suit followed. We're decently dressed, Barbara thought. Everything will be fine.

* * *

They kept some space between them. Both laid on the side, facing each other, smiling at each other. Limpy suddenly sighed in his sleep so Barbara's smile widened into a grin. She had to suppress a chuckle.

"He's a good boy, isn't he? But sometimes he's ridiculous." Tommy also grinned. Then he placed his fingers on her cheek and his eyes turned serious again. While his fingertips caressed her skin he asked in a soft whisper if he was allowed to give her a goodnight kiss.

As an answer she scooted a bit closer and softly pressed her lips against his. He was afraid to move a single muscle except his lips answering the kiss.

"You know that you have some serious things to talk about, don't you, Tommy?" she whispered without scooting back onto her half of the sofa.

He nodded. "Yes, but can't we stall it?"

"No."

"You're adamant." he said with a smile and repeated the kiss.

"Yes." Barbara yawned again and cuddled deeper into the pillow and under the duvet. They still did not really touch. She closed her eyes. To hear him breathing so close to her was a wonderful sound despite all this night's trouble.

After a long while of silence in which he knew she had not fallen asleep Tommy quietly started to speak.

"I'm sorry, Barbara." he apologised.

"I feared for your life." she reproached.

"Could you forgive me?" He scooted even one tiny bit closer and told her what had made him run away. Barbara listened closely. She let him talk about it. Some things had to be said out loud though parts of it sounded as ridiculous as they originally were. Eventually she turned onto her back and let him mumble onto her shoulder.

"You're no juvenile bloke anymore, Tommy. You should face the difficulties and not run away from them. Not anymore. And you should stop over-dramatise things."

They talked about his fears, her concerns, his brother, his mother, his peerage, their job, the baby his sister was expecting, Howenstow, his jealousy, his unanswered love for Barbara.

"It's not." she breathed and turned onto her side again to get a look into his eyes.

"I know now." he whispered and scooted close. They gently shared a reassuring kiss and embraced each other. Now they were finally cuddling and enjoying each others warmth under the duvet and in each other's arms.

* * *

Tommy and Barbara talked for what felt half of the night. She comforted him when he finally cried, he listened to her voice gently giving him a verbal kick up his backside. Tommy especially dreaded the encounter with his brother. He knew he had to start setting things right with his brother when he would return to Howenstow because he only had time until Wednesday, the day he was about to go back to London. Fortunately Barbara would stay with him. He made a mental to inform Hillier about her prolonged stay.

"You're... you're my rock, do you know that? Quite some time ago I've found out that you're the rock in my life. I only did not dare to hold on to you because I feared you wouldn't... answer my feelings for you..."

"Bollocks!" Barbara complained.

"Barbara, I need you by my side, I couldn't do without you!"

"Tommy-" He should not make more declarations now, she thought.

"You mean more to me than anybody else ever has meant before. Don't ever leave me."

"You shouldn't make dec-"

"I need you, Barbara. To save me from myself. To protect me from myself. I'm a mental wreck, I-

"Shut up, Tommy, you do it again. Stop bloody pitying yourself!"

"See? That's what I mean." he kissed her gently. "You keep me grounded. I love you. I really love you."

She watched his face in the last lights of the flickering fire for a long moment. Yes, she loved him too.

"Sleep now." she whispered and gave him another long goodnight kiss.

* * *

**.**

* * *

**...**


	20. Nanrunnel

**Author's notes: **Welcome, new followers. You are invited to leave a review if you like this story ;-)

* * *

**...**

**Nanrunnel**

**...**

* * *

Barbara woke up from the sounds Limpy made when he impatiently sniffed at Tommy's right hand. She sensed Tommy still next to her. She still smelled his scent. Trying to hold on to that wonderful moment just a little while longer she kept her eyes closed and concentrated on his hand on the skin of her waist. Unable to resist her curiosity she finally opened her eyes. Tommy laid on his stomach, his right hand out of the bed, his left hand gently possessive on her waist under her shirt, as if he wanted to reassure himself that she was still there. His face was turned to her, his lips were temptingly close, his eyes were shut, and she could hear a soft snoring. His hair was a sweet mess, like she had thought it would be. Barbara had fantasised about such a sight. She had wondered how it would feel waking up next to her DI in the morning. Oh, she had hoped for such a moment to come and now that it was there it was covered with a light shade of taking advantage - on both sides.

If she would have known that he just had kept back because he had feared that she might think he was using her helpfulness for his own selfish needs she probably could have admitted that she was not just exploiting his current vulnerability and need for a soothing hand. Right now she was just waiting for something to happen without moving a single muscle. As long as she was silent as long he would keep his hand there. And she simply did not want to get up yet. It had been a long troubled night that had brought so many sealed things to the surface. There still was so much to talk, so much to be worked out, so much to be resolved. Not only Tommy had demons. Unfortunately Limpy sensed that she was awake so he came around the bed and nudged her with his wet nose. In the end Barbara surrendered to his pleading eyes and carefully disentangled herself from Tommy's arm.

"Come here, Limpy!" she whispered and clapped her thigh, showing him to follow her out of the room. The clap on her naked skin reminded her of her sparse clothing and it had been so loud in the otherwise silent room that she needed to look back at the sleeping figure. Fortunately Tommy did not wake up. She quickly jumped into her jeans with the remnants of the now dry mud stain.

She had to finish cleaning it before they went back to Howenstow.

* * *

A little later Tommy woke up alone. The space next to him was empty and already cold but he still could smell her scent on the pillow. He pressed it onto his face and recalled the events from the previous night. How sweet Barbara quickly had slipped off her jeans and rushed under the duvet thinking he would not have noticed. He had just pretended to be busy with the pillow. Pleased Tommy smiled to himself but in an instant turned serious again. He had wanted to make love to her right then but he could not take advantage of her care for him. And he would definitely not take advantage of her vulnerability, now that she had opened the gates to her heart. Despite their declarations she still needed to be convinced that it was the right thing to let him in. Convinced of his faith, convinced of his truthfulness, convinced of their love. He would have a load of sweet and serious little things to do to her when they would have returned. He would start here at Emerald Cottage and continue at Howenstow and he hoped he would not have to wait until they return back to London. Tommy remembered again the softness of Barbara's body tonight and how he wanted to explore every little square inch in his luxurious king size bed in his room at Howenstow. Only this time it would be without a foregone drama though until then he had to resolve some other things. Knowing of these other serious matters he had to have handled when he returned to Howenstow he groaned.

Then the smell of something tasteful wafted through the room.

Tommy got up and registered that the fire was out so he pulled the sofa blanket around his shoulders. It was a bit fresh this morning. On his way into the kitchen he stopped dead right in the doorway and watched the scene. Obviously she already had gone shopping this morning. How unusual for his morning grumpy Sergeant. Barbara stood at the cooker, her hair in a messy ponytail, fully dressed, only socks at her feet and Limpy had pushed his bowl to her feet, sat next to her and watched her every movement if maybe he would get a treat - maybe some bacon? Limpy only had shot a very quick glance at Tommy when he arrived. He greeted him with a quick silent bark.

Without averting her eyes from the frying pan Barbara silenced him. "Hush, Limpy! Don't wake his Lordship, he still needs some rest! And you won't get that bacon, you're already fed, you little beggar, you." She patted the dog's head. Tommy's heart bursted with love.

"Morning, Barbara." he whispered. Barbara jumped.

"Sorry." he chuckled and came behind her. He knew it would be the hardest thing to hold himself back and not swoop her in his arms immediately and carry her back to the sofa. The blanket landed on the kitchen chair. His arms went around her waist and he placed his forehead in her nape. He just wanted to kiss her. He just wanted to hold her. He just wanted to feel her body close to his.

"Morn'!" she answered. Limpy barked once more. Why were those humans always wrestling? And why did they not recognise that he _needed_ some bacon? "Breakfast will be ready in a minute. Tea's over there."

"Thank you for tonight." Tommy whispered brushing his lips against the skin in her nape. She still smelled of sleep so she had not yet showered. They could do it now, he thought. Together.

"Mh." Ignoring her trembling hands Barbara placed the bacon on a plate with already fried mushrooms and right on time the toast flopped out of the toaster. She turned off the hot plate. _If he knows what he does to me?_ The warmth that radiated from his body pleasantly burnt into her back.

"Since when do you make more than buttered toast and jam?" he teased her. They still stood at the cooker, his arms around her waist and her head now leaning back onto his shoulder. He tried to ignore that her proximity excited him very much. She pretended to not feel it at all. _Oh, gosh, who cares for bacon and toast?!_ Barbara cleared her throat.

"Since I have some bloody fool to care about who tend to walk around halfnaked in the winterstormy weather."

"I promise to stop that." He vowed into her ear. "Please turn now. I'm becoming jealous of the cooker."

Still in his arms and finally facing him Barbara smiled. "You should not make a fun of it." she reprimanded him and combed his hair with her fingers. Her heart beat faster. Oh, how she loved being in his arms. Then she placed her hands onto his shoulders. There was nothing she wanted more than to kiss him. Apart from wanting him to kiss her, wanting him to hold her, wanting him to-

"I'm serious, Barbara." he mumbled. "I'm so serious." Actually she could _feel_ his seriousness.

His eyes wandered from her eyes to her lips and back again. _Kiss me _now_!_ Barbara's mind screamed. If it was possible he even pulled her closer. Barbara stopped breathing for a few heartbeats when his face slowly came nearer. She took a deep breath before their lips met. First it was just his lips pressing softly onto hers. Then Tommy nibbled at her lower lip and demanded more. She willingly opened her mouth and let his tongue explore hers. She fought with his and boldly entered his mouth.

Her hands meanwhile had shifted into the back of his head and across his shoulder onto his back to pull his head and chest closer while he firmly gripped her waist and pushed her back against the cooker. He never had known how deeply he had wanted this woman and now that she had said she loved him he simply wanted to forget his previous decision to take things slowly and to physically manifest his own love for her right now right there.

Barbara thought that this should have been their first kiss and not that freaky troubled encounter at the police station tonight. She felt her hips grounding into his lap without her willing assistance. His pleasure was undeniably pressing into her. Desire surfaced. _Forget about breakfast!_ Oh, how she wanted him.

"Woof!" Limpy's wet nose prodded them and insistently tried to stop their kiss. Reluctantly they let go of each other.

"Oh, wow..." Barbara breathed. "This... we shouldn't... " _Yes, we should!_ Her eyes went down to the black and white tiled floor. She must appear wanton to him. Oh, she was and it really made her blush. They should take things slow.

"Wow indeed." Tommy smiled. He never had dared to believe she would mirror his desire with such a pleasurable intensity. He wanted to surrender to their needs. He wanted her to give in to her lust. With his curled index finger he lifted her chin and gave her another tender kiss. "What a _very_ good morning."

"M-hmm, yes... Happy birthday, Sir." she smiled sheepishly. "And you really should put something on your naked feet!"

"I should." Closing his eyes he leaned forward again.

"Woof!" Another starting kiss was immediately interrupted by Limpy's barks claiming attention. "Woofwoofwoof!"

"Oh, bloody dog!" Tommy cursed and finally let go of Barbara. Making love had to be stalled until they were alone. But because he could not be angry at the poor starved and abandoned dog he payed some attention to Limpy by ruffling his head boisterously gentle.

* * *

**...**

* * *

Luckily Tommy's clothes were dry now. He had put them all on the radiators upstairs. Barbara had fetched his coat when she had left Howenstow yesterday so since today it was a bright sunny morning with the sun laughing down on them and mocking them for yesterday's weather they could have a little stroll up and down the high street of Nanrunnel after breakfast and before they would return to his family. They still had some private things to talk about. They leashed the dog and left the cottage. On the long way around the back of the churchyard Tommy listened to Barbara telling him how _her_ evening went after he had left and that his mother obviously had thought there was something going on between them though it was not. Not at that time. She still had been on her search when she had talked to her. Tommy got to know that he had to thank his sister and once again he had been told that he had to talk to his brother. When they reached the main road she had finished her tale and her little reprimanding speech afterwards.

The dog's leash in one hand Tommy had his arm around her shoulder in a comfortably possessive way that showed everybody that they belonged together. Barbara had her hands stuffed in her coat pockets and they slowly walked down the street. He nodded at one or the other known face so eventually Barbara felt a bit displayed. Feeling embarrassed she asked Tommy if he could let her walk alone but he neglected that.

"No. I want to feel you by my side. You know that I'm selfish." he grinned.

"Stop mocking about that, Sir!" she murmured and ducked away from his lowering face.

He frowned at her and waited for the next opportunity but when he leaned in again to steal a kiss she turned her head to a shop window they were passing. At a red light she also retreated.

"Barbara, I want to kiss you." he silently moaned. "Please..."

Though she rather would not want to kiss him openly she finally could not resist his dark puppy eyes anymore and after a short kiss their lips soon melted into each other so they had to wait for the second green phase.

Tommy grinned but Barbara glowered. "Smile!" he said and pulled her close to give her another peck on the cheek when they had crossed the street.

"Could we at least refrain from open... caresses at the barbecue today? It's... I'm not..." Barbara searched for words to tell him that she was not ready for that sort of publicity yet. "This is so... a bit too fast... everything... " she shyly mumbled.

Tommy had torn down all her defensive walls in one night, all the safe barriers she had thoroughly built around her. Even the extra fence she had put up around her heart was knocked down. It somehow felt great but although Tommy's love surrounded her and she felt protected by him and secure in his arms she knew that now she was vulnerable. At least to him and she feared so deeply that this happy time would end too soon and leave her broken. "And I don't want to snog with you like some teenagers." she added silently.

"Well, I have to admit that I've enjoyed it." he admitted.

"Me too," she blushed. "but... it's kind of... I feel a bit displayed when you kiss me like that at a red light."

"You've felt very approving. I didn't know that you didn't-"

"I _was_ approving because it temporarily made me forget about the rest of the world." It was not easy for her to make that admission. Tommy knew it and happily grinned. "And I'm feeling deeply embarrassed about that. So please..."

"Of course..." Tommy even would agree if she had asked to keep it a secret to his family. "Though I have to admit that I'm a bit disappointed. I'd love to have you in my arms all the time... I want to show it to the world and especially to all my friends and family. But I do understand. We can proceed slowly." He smiled and gave her a kiss on her head. "As long as we proceed." Then he nodded and played a dramatic sigh. "Your wish is my command, mylady."

Barbara seriously frowned at him. "It seems to me that you've recovered far too quickly, Sir. I'd say it would be much more appropri-"

Ignoring her stern look he gave her a big kiss to stop her. "It would be much more appropriate that you stop calling me Sir, Havers."

"Yes, Sir. And stop trying to kiss me."

"All right then, the Lady wishes a platonic rel- Ouch!"

Barbara had dug her ellbow into his side. "Serves you right. Now stop it."

Though she tried hard she could not totally suppress the happy grin building up in her face. She had to look away from that man at her side so he won't see it. It was the same with Tommy. He would have loved to stop the universe and be here and now forever. How could he ever had survived without her? Comfortably arm in arm and grinning like fools they walked on.

They would have to talk about their future at the Met before they would return to London. When it crossed Tommy's mind he sighed. But that would be nothing against the conversation they needed to have about his peerage and her role in his family. In that moment he realised that he wanted Barbara to stay at his side forever. He nudged her shoulder and showed her his big happy grin. He was rewarded with her big smile. _If she knew what I am considering she probably would furiously protest._

* * *

A few minutes later a couple waved at them from up the road. Deborah and Simon St James approached. When Barbara got aware of the two she tried to retreat from Tommy but his arm kept her firmly pressed against his side.

"No way, Barbara." he muttered with a greeting nod to his friends. "They're close friends and no _public_. You stay by my side. No lying, no hiding, no running away. Your own words, remember?" Then he looked down at her with his dark warm eyes and Barbara only sighed. He had done it again and once more she could not resist.

"You know I haven't meant _that_, Sir!" she hissed.

"And call me Tommy!" he grinned.

"No!" Barbara mouthed and glared at him before they reached the other two. She blushed when she saw the knowing broad grins on his friends' faces.

"Hello you two!" Simon said. "Nice to see you in Nanrunnel, Barbara."

* * *

**.**

* * *

**...**


	21. Family Business

**...**

**Family Business  
**

**...**

* * *

He had not tried to kiss her while they talked to Deborah and Simon after Barbara had shot him one of her Don't-you-dare-Sir! death glares again though he definitely had wanted to show his friends _clearly_ what was going on. As if they would not have noticed his right arm around her shoulder. As if they would not have sen her left hand on his left waist. As if they would not have recognised that no thin sheet of paper would have been squeezed between them.

Barbara had learned that she will meet them again on Tommy's birthday barbecue in the afternoon but they won't stay at Howenstow tonight. It reminded her of asking Tommy to clear with Hillier that she would spend at least one more day away from the office. When they had said goodbye and walked a bit further away from Simon's car Tommy felt safe enough to steal another little kiss from Barbara without much objection.

Fastening his seat belt Simon grinned at his wife. " 't was time, don't you think?" Of course he had seen it. And of course he had seen how close they stood. That was more proximity than just good friends would have.

"Yes." Deborah agreed with a smile. "But I think this is _very_ fresh. So you better not tease them, Simon, just this once!"

* * *

The family had just finished brunch when Tommy and Barbara arrived at Howenstow. Straight after they got out of the car Tommy put his arm around her shoulders again. He wanted everybody and especially his family to see that she's his.

No. He corrected himself. He wanted everybody to see that they belong together now.

"As of late you're a bit possessive, Sir." Barbara whispered and nudged him with her elbow. In fact and despite her embarrassement and also despite her request to take things slowly she truly loved being hugged by him in that protectively possessive way but she just did not know how to express that properly. It probably was her long time defensive habit. Well, when they would be back at the Met this had to stop anyway. Only as long as they were in Cornwall and among his family everything just felt fine. Take what you get, she thought.

Tommy's mother immediately came into the hall and greeted her son.

"Happy birthday, Tommy! Where have you been tonight?" She smiled at both. She did not really expect an answer because of course she knew of Emerald Cottage and imagined where they obviously had spent the night although she might have pictured it just a little bit wrong. Barbara made a mental note to remind him that he had to tell his mother the truth about the previous night's events some day, but not necessarily now of course. "Ah, well, you both look a lot as if you've stayed in the rain for a little while too long. Chop-chop, up with you under the shower and into clean things. First guests might arrive soon. Don't take too long up there." With an unexpected suggestive wink she turned and payed attention to the arriving service men with the big charcoal grill.

Upstairs they both seperately took a shower and changed into fresh clothes. After a quick bite in the back kitchen, taken in comfortably intimate togetherness, they heard Peter and Andrea coming back from the stables and rumbling down the corridor. When Peter opened the door Barbara already had cleared the table and given Tommy a quick kiss.

"You have to talk, Sir." She whispered.

Peter and Andrea wished Tommy well for the next 365 days and were about to leave again. After all the air between the two brothers still was tensed.

Since Tommy had made no attempt to hold back his brother and much less to have a word with him Barbara got up from her chair. If they won't clear it soon it all would stay like it was. She decided that she had to do something.

"Right. Peter, Tommy!" she addressed them. When she was sure that she had their attention she went on. "You two have to have a word. Now! I'm so bloody sick of you brooding about it, Tommy, and yes, Peter, you stay! I'm also bloody sick of your sulking verbal stingers against your brother. You both have to clear that out. Right now." She asked Andrea, who had nodded affirmative at her words, to leave the kitchen with her. In the doorway she turned and stared at the Asherton boys looking at each other with their so much resembling dark angry and fearful eyes.

"And I don't want any of you to come out of this room before you haven't talked it through. I'm so sick of it."

"Thank you." Andrea smiled after Barbara had closed the kitchen door. "I've pondered about how to tell him this for a while now. I hope it works."

"So do I." Barbara sighed. "Everything else would be a catastrophe!" She dearly hoped that her intervention had not made it worse or that the brothers would be mad at her about it. What a bad thing for a birthday. But well, any time would be a bad timing for such a heart-to-heart talk.

Leaving into the direction of the music room Barbara saw Judith disappearing into the library with a big grin.

* * *

Barbara continued reading the book she had started yesterday and listened through the open door of the music room. She could not really concentrate on the words of the novel, she was just eager to know what happened in the kitchen. First there was nothing to be heard. Then the men obviously had started to talk. She could not hear single words but the voices grew louder. Eventually the brothers were shouting at each other.

"Oh, you would like that, wouldn't you?" Peter shouted. "Get lost, bloody prick!"

The door was opened a crack but slammed close again immediately. Tommy shouted back.**  
**

"You stay here! We're not yet finished!"

Barbara almost feared they would hurt each other but luckily they just yelled. After a while the shouted accusations and justifications ebbed. Eventually the sounds of the kettle could be heard and the conversation seemed to continue on a much more civilised volume level with a cup of tea.

_You can solve everything with a proper cuppa._ Barbara thought sighing.

* * *

When Tommy finally came into the music room after about half an hour he had eyes red from crying but looked more calm, looked as if a great weight was taken off his soul.

"Thank you, Barbara." he said low and knelt down in front of the settee where she had laid down to read. He brushed one of the unruly strands of hair out of her face and gave her a kiss. Resting his chin on his hand he exchanged a long pensive look with Barbara. "Do you mind if I'm going to the stables without you before the barbecue starts?"

"Yes. If you're going to sulk or wallow or brood I-"

"I promise I won't. Besides I have an appointment with Peter in the stable's office."

"Then off you go."

"I love you." he smiled.

"I-" Barbara stopped mid-sentence and diverted her eyes.

"Say it." Tommy whispered. His voice was choked, he wanted her so much to say it again, he needed to hear it from her lips once more. "Please!"

Barbara looked back in his eyes and involuntarily nodded. She actually loved him like she had said before. It had been easier than she ever would have thought and in fact it was the truth. "I love you too, Tommy."

"You don't know how much it means to me to hear you say it." They shared a sensual kiss after which he placed his forehead on hers and went on with closed eyes telling her that he always had missed something in his life. Something he could not have named but had missed even throughout his marriage with Helen. Something that would calm him. Something of which he only recently had learned that it was Barbara. Tommy told her that he had discovered that she was able to give it to him when he still was married and he first had not realised it and then just had not had the nerves to admit it to himself, to admit it to Helen, to admit it to Barbara. He admitted now, that he had loved her for quite some time but had not been able to declare it. He had been afraid of loosing their friendship, afraid of ruining everything, afraid of her rejection. And he was so sorry for his jealousy.

"Even though I had no rights on you I hated every man that was a possible someone for you. I disliked every flirt you received. Eventually I had learned that the angry feeling I've had was jealousy. _I_ wanted to be the one you flirt with. _I_ wanted to be the one you date. Not just a drink after work, not just lunch or dinner. I wanted to go out with you and come home with you. I wanted to spend day and night with you."

Barbara sobbed. She felt some tears dropping onto her face when Tommy went on telling her that though it was without purpose, though it probably was without intention she always had been his life buoy, his rock, his anchor, his connection to the earth. She always had reminded him of normal life, kept him grounded, never cared for his title and peerage.

"Well, except to emphasise some social class issues that is."

Still silently crying Barbara could not suppress a chuckle under his kissing lips.

* * *

Tommy told her that later he had become accustomed to her prickly nature, he had gotten used to her reluctant but straight-away character, her ironic comments. He had learned to love them because it was her way of coping with life's issues. He had even started to miss them when she was not in the mood, when she was not around. He had started to miss _her_ when she was not around.

"Though I had not been able to name it in the beginning I've already loved you. I have for quite some time."

"Tommy, I have loved you _for years_." Barbara sobbed again. Then she confessed that she also had been jealous. Jealous of every woman he had dated after Helen. Even jealous of him with Helen, in fact she had been jealous in the instant she had left them kissing for their first time at the front wall of the police station, when Barbara was going home alone. Later she envied the love between them until she had found out that she envied Helen for having Tommy in her life. Much later she had hated herself for being in love with her DI and unable to have a relationship with someone else.

"It was my fault." Tommy said.

"No!" Barbara whispered.

"Yes. I've always kept you close to me and never had given you space and time to do what you want. All those evenings when I bored you with my problems at the pub-"

"You never bored me."

"...when I kept you from sleeping when I dropped by in the middle of the night-"

"You just needed someone. I _wanted_ to give it, Tommy. Even if I never would have _you_ I wanted to savour every single second with you. Of course I was there for you at any time of the day. I wanted to be around you even if it was just for a pint after work, even if it was just for listening to your problems, even if I knew that you never would see me as a woman, that I always would be your sidekick, I always-"

"Don't hide your light under a bushel! And I've very much noticed that you're a woman for a long while now and at least since you wore that dress at my sister's birthday party two years ago. Oh, wow, you wouldn't believe what sort of inappropriate thoughts I had."

His hand wandered unintended onto her belly while they exchanged a tender kiss. "And you've never been just a sidekick, Barbara. You've always been my _partner_. You're just no DI yourself because I didn't want to lose you. That's why I've never forced you to make that exam."

"I never have _wanted_ to become a DI since I knew you, especially since I have fallen in love with you." Barbara sobbed. "I wanted to stay near you, as your partner. Becoming a DI would have meant being seperated from you. I didn't want that. I _don't_ want that."

"I would love to have you staying next to my side me forever, Barbara. As my partner." Tommy bent over and gave Barbara another long kiss.

_Was this a proposal?_ Tommy asked himself. _Hell, yes, obviously it was. Go, ask her, Tommy!_

_If this was a proposal then the answer is yes!_ Barbara thought. _Gosh, no, you're delirious, Barbara! You're talking of work!  
_

"I would love that." she breathed.

He did not ask. He could not. It was definitely too soon.

* * *

**.**

* * *

**...**


	22. More Family Business

**...**

**More Family Business**

**...**

* * *

A single sob could clearly be heard coming from the corridor and then heeled feet were departing quickly. His mother had heard most of their declarations and could not hold back her emotions anymore so she better fled. She had heard her difficult sons fighting but sensed it was a cathartic storm so she had not intervened. She had been busy with some arrangements for the barbeque anyway. Now that it had turned silent she had wanted to see what had come of it only to find her eldest son declaring his endless love to Barbara. _Oh, this _so_ was a proposal!_ she thought carefully dabbing her tears away with her handkerchief. _And she had answered affirmative. If only they would see it too._

In that same moment in the music room where he still knelt in front of his love on the settee, caressing her face, smiling, exchanging small tender kisses with her, Tommy's mobile buzzed and he cursed. His brother asked him where he was.

"Hurry, Tommy." Barbara smiled and loudly blew her nose. "You have some business to manage."

"You're the best thing that ever had happened to me, Barbara. Thank you for being you and thank you for being with me. Thank you for everything."

"Hush! Now stop glorifying me and don't let your brother wait too long." Barbara could not really cope with being praised that way. Briskly she pushed Tommy away. He knew it was her usual rude way of dealing with things that turned embarrassing for her even - or better _especially_ \- when it came to compliments or cordialities. Almost every time she was praised she reacted that way. He loved her for that. Laughing happily he got up from his aching knees and since she shooed him out of the room with a grin he finally managed to tear away from her.

* * *

On his way to the stables Tommy met his sister in the corridor at the back entrance. She had some coloured paper in her hands and a red round thing Tommy immediately recognised as a cricket ball. When she saw him she tried to hide it behind her back without real success.

"What's this, Jay?" Tommy curiously asked. Judith rolled her eyes and tossed it at Tommy.

"Happy birthday, old brother." she smiled. "Couldn't you have been somewhere else? I had wanted to have it wrapped first."

They hugged. "I wish you all the best, Tommy. May your wishes come true. Finally. All of them." Judith winked. While Tommy examined the obviously much used ball Judith explained that she coincidentally had found it at an auction where she just had wanted to buy some furnitures for her new home near Inverness. It was the ball used in the last innings at the Ashes of 1987 when England had won it for the last time for a very long period following.

"I also have a photo and a certificate upstairs. You'll get it later. Maybe I'll wrap them first." she added with a wink.

"Thank you, Jay." Tommy hugged her. "I'm going to put it on the dressing table. Right next to my old Eton cricket bat."

"Oh, I'm sure Barbara will love that." Jay laughed.

"Ah, I don't think she would obj-" he started and then he noticed what his sister had implied and he blushed. This scenario was highly likely but it was none of her business. "Jay!"

"What?!" she laughed.

"Ah, shush, will you." Shaking his head in disbelief Tommy turned and left his chuckling sister where she was.

* * *

When Tommy had left her alone in the music room Barbara had closed her eyes for a few seconds. This argument between the two brothers had obviously been an easier start than she had hoped. At least they were not angry with her that she had intervened. Barbara deeply sighed and wondered from where she got that previously unknown strength and boldness. She looked out of the window and asked herself if they both really had needed such a dramatic night to let their deeply buried feelings finally surface. It had not just been the relief to find him, it additionally felt unbelievably... normal. Like it just was supposed to be. Oh, how she wanted this to last. Forever. But whatever they had declared a few moments ago she still feared this whole thing will be short-lived. Oh, there will be a drama following, of that Barbara was sure. A proposal! How could she think of something like that? It was just a declaration. And he had talked about work, not their private life. This, gosh, she almost feared to even _think_ the words, _romantic attachment_ with Tommy was foredoomed to fail, she knew it. The eighth Earl of Asherton and the little police girl - this _could_ not work forever. Not even for long...

A knock on the open door made her jump.

"Want some tea?" Judith asked waving a steaming tea pot and two mugs.

* * *

After a few words about the weather Barbara told Judith where exactly she had found Tommy and where they both had spent the rest of the night and this morning. For understandable reasons Barbara was not very detailed with the latter.

"Apropos of nothing - what was that horrible noise I've heard from the kitchen a few moments ago?" Judith innocently asked.

Barbara told her without looking up from her tea. When she heard a silent chuckle she looked up and saw Judith grinning. "Oh, you've also heard everything _before_ that, haven't you? Did you hear _me_ before they... talked?"

Judith nodded and said that she never before had enjoyed eavesdropping so much because she never had the guts to talk to Tommy that way "...because nobody _ever_ did, well, except perhaps our father."

"Oh, my..." Barbara sighed. "No wonder he sometimes parades his Highness..."

"Although he's always listening to _your_ advise, Barbara."

"You should see him at work..." Barbara inserted.

"Well, that's something different though I believe he listens to your opinion at work as well. But I sense you would not act so bluntly with everybody's private life. It's a very special closeness between you and Tommy."

"Hm. Maybe." Barbara's eyes went down to the patterns in the carpet.

"Say, when you were at Emerald Cottage, what exactly happened?"

Sadly nothing, Barbara impulsively thought and blushed a little. "Oh, we've talked almost the entire night. He had- umm... Well, there were things he had needed to shed. Why it all had come this way, what he had felt yesterday, the reasons why he had gone on that walk, how _everything_ stretched his nerves yesterday evening, stuff like that, you know. It was very emotional."

"He cried." It was no question.

"M-hm." Barbara nodded.

" 't was time. You know, he wouldn't have cried in anyone elses presence."

"Most of all 't was time that he talked to somebody."

"Tommy had needed to talk with you, Barbara."

"Mh... don't know... Anyway Tommy has some serious topics boiling inside his mind, I thought as much, but that..." Barbara shook her head. "He shouldn't have bottled it up all those years, especially not this thing between him and his brother."

After a pause in which both women sipped at their tea and hung after their own thoughts Judith added "You're finally _one_, aren't you?" She had not seen them together since they had come back to Howenstow but it was audible in how Barbara said his name.

Barbara just blushed again so Judith took this as a confirmation and nodded an approval. " 't was time, too. You're exactly what he needs in his life and it seems to me he's something alike for you."

Barbara blushed even more. "Oh, tush..." _He's going to end it sooner than I prefer when he got bored like he had with every woman before._

"Did you...?" Judith stopped her question. Oh, gosh, that was none of her business, she thought. "Ah, well, sorry, never mind..."

"Now, _that_'s a question!" Knowing what Judith was about to ask Barbara mumbled, now fully glowing. "Apart from the fact that this is none of your business we-"

"Aaah, stop, stop, stop! I really don't want to hear details!" Tommy's sister chuckled. "And like you said, it's none of my business anyway." Judith squeezed her hand. "He loves you, Barbara."

"I know. He's said it." Barbara hid her embarrassment behind the tea cup.

Judith hid a grin. "I hope you've said it too. I know, it's none of my business but you two-"

"Judith! Now _you_ stop it." Barbara had to laugh too. Tommy once had said it and now she knew it herself - sometimes Judith could be a little pesky pain. "I've told him too, yes! And to satisfy your nosiness: I was the first to say it when we still had been at the police station. Now couldn't we leave it? Couldn't we just talk about... " She paused, waving her hand through the air. "...well, anything different?" Though she was red as a beet she still smiled. She was not really mad with Judith because she felt that Tommy's sister was just eager to see them both happy. By the way she was her confidant now after what had happened the previous night, wasn't she?

Judith looked out of the window. "So, back to the weather then. It's such a nice day today, isn't it?"

The two women shared a heartfelt laugh.

* * *

At the stable's office Tommy and Peter talked about something they had agreed on after their noisy argument. One of the results of it was that Peter would take over some of the responsibilities in the business Tommy had feared to offer him because of Peter's drug history. When they had finished their little business part Peter opened his briefcase and stuffed the papers in it. Tommy rolled his eyes about the messy way his brother handled them but kept his mouth closed. He should not always patronise him and Peter definitely had to do it all in his on way.

"Now we have to celebrate, brother." Peter took a bottle out of the clutter. "Once again happy birthday to you."

He gave Tommy a bottle of single malt whisky. In the absence of glasses they drank it straight out of the bottle.

"Look at us, we're boozing like tramps." Peter laughed and took another gulp.

"We're not boozing! You don't _booze_ a 40 year old Balvenie." Tommy grinned and added one more sip to the one that already was in his stomach. "Even when you drink it straight off the bottle."

For a few moments they sat in companionable silence.

"You and Barbara... you've... umm..." Peter started.

Tommy raised a warning eyebrow. "Yes?"

"I hope you know she loves you." his little brother said. "And I hope you've realised you love her too."

"Yes, we've... resolved this. And?" Tommy's eyes had turned narrow.

Peter nodded and leaned back in his chair in a defensive way. "And nothing. It's just good. Just don't mess it up this time, Tommy. Though we, I mean Barbara and me... we never had a real... well - connection, I think that Barbara is a wonderful woman. When she has let down her safety barriers and told you that she loves you... I hope she's said it!?"

Tommy answered Peter's quizzical look with an earnest nod. "She has. Like I have."

"She's made a giant leap. Cherish that!"

"I do, Peter." The brothers exchanged a serious look.

"Well, then - cheers."

With that the topic was done. Tommy quickly recorked the expensive stuff before Peter would demand still another sip. And they had to hurry back to the house anyway.

* * *

**.**

* * *

**...**


	23. February Barbecue, Corn Cobs & Bratwurst

**Author's notes: **The next chapters somehow developed from pure fragments into a party. I've managed to put it in some sort of chronological order but not necessarily glued together with connecting texts. I was really struggling with putting all my ideas in some flow... When the text grew I had thought to split it up in smaller chapters like the prequel chapters, finally I thought it works better as one very long, then two and in the end three chapters.

Just feel like you wander around on a party sipping at expensive champagne and maybe pick up one or the other of those scenes... ;-)

* * *

**...**

**February Barbecue - Corn Cobs and Bratwurst  
**

**...  
**

* * *

**... - 1 - ...  
**

* * *

Shortly before everything was ready Simon and Deborah arrived at the manor. Daze was busy with cutting somebody down to size on the phone so she just smiled, nodded and directed them through to the kitchen where Tommy and Barbara pinned toothpicks into halved corn cobs. With an apron around his front to save his white shirt and the tie from stains (yes, of course, Barbara already had her fun mocking at that) Tommy just had explained to Barbara that this always had been his part of the job. The family always had done the most things on their own since it always had been a family party. Throughout the years the guests varied and changed a little and some official guests finally had entered the event because of his status as the Earl. But the opening still was just with his family and closest friends.

"And me." Barbara dryly added.

"Yes, you. You are everything, Barbara. My family, my friend..." he put the corn cob aside to pull her in a hug though she still fidgeted with a toothpick. "...my love."

In the second he kissed her Simon and Deborah entered the kitchen.

"Knock, knock!" Simon said broadly grinning and the two sprang apart like teenagers caught kissing. Which they were, caught kissing that is. Deborah grinned at her husband and told him he could tease them now if he wished. He desisted from it.

"So, you two finally have come to your senses?" Tommy found himself in a big bear hug from his old friend. "Happy birthday, Tommy. And congratulations you two."

Barbara had tried to get out of the kitchen but Tommy, catching her hand, as well as Deborah, opening her arms to hug her, had held her back so she stayed next to Tommy. Deborah also wished them well and gave Tommy a tiny box. "Happy birthday, Detective Inspector Lynley." she smiled mischievously.

Looking quizzical Tommy opened the box and grinned. Then thinking something highly inappropriate he slightly blushed. Inside was a little silver tie pin with hand cuffs.

"I thought you might wear it at the office." Simon explained. "It seemed suitable for a police officer."

Barbara tried to get a glimpse of what was inside and when Tommy held it up she blushed too. When she looked into his eyes she saw something she had not expected. Obviously he was thinking the same she was. And obviously those thoughts did not belong to their work at all.

"Would you mind to handcuff me, Sergeant?" Displaying a smug grin Tommy gave her the jewellery.

She even blushed more but nonetheless fumbled with the tiny thing that already had inspired her mind before, when she walked through the streets of Nanrunnel. She recognised his chest heaving with deep forcefully steadied breaths. The look he gave her was one full of longing, the look she gave him as an answer mirrored it.

"There you are." She whispered. Barbara smoothed down his shirt and tie and remembered that they were not alone in the kitchen. Clearing her throat she tried to turn but Tommy put his arms around her.

"They're already gone, Barbara." he croaked. "I'll have you arrested."

When Simon had seen how the couple had longed to kiss but obviously had refrained because they had not been alone in the room he silently had nudged Deborah's elbow and had ushered her out there and onto the veranda to check how things were going with the grill.

"You have naughty thoughts, Sir, they're engraved on your forehead."

"I look in a mirror, Havers."

Though she blushed she also shyly and flirtatiously smiled. "Bad b- Mmmh!"

He had pulled her close and crushed his lips onto hers. _Doesn't this woman know what she's doing to me?_ Together they stumbled against the fridge. Her arms went around his neck and his hands stroke her sides.

Unfortunately after a short moment of fevered kissing and clearly wanting more Tommy heard the heavy boots of the estate manager coming down the corridor. He came around to deliver best wishes for his Lordship because he had no time to attend the party so when Tommy had let her go just in time before he entered Barbara, still out of breath, took the opportunity to escape. She was afraid of her own longing and feared she would not be able to stand his presence the entire evening without kissing and hugging him. She already cursed their agreement though it was her own wish.

From the moment Barbara had exited the kitchen Tommy had not seen her again until the party started.

* * *

**... - 2 - ...  
**

* * *

When everything was prepared, the charcoal was lit and all family was present on the veranda in the beautiful light of the declining sun, Daze called out for her eldest son.

"Tommy, where are you? We're waiting!"

Tommy had been on the phone with the Chief Super Intendent, recieving best wishes for his birthday. On this occasion he had conviced his boss that since he himself would be at Howenstow until Wednesday DS Havers also deserved a few more days off and she would return to the office a little later than planned.

"If that's no problem, Sir?" he added. Luckily it was not.

"But if we need you here on Monday evening or Tuesday I'll call you and expect you both to be here as soon as possible."

"Of course, Sir. Thank you."

Of course Tommy had not told him about the latest development between the inspector and the sergeant.

* * *

Now Tommy joined the others on the veranda and was greeted with a little serenade for his birthday. Barbara was there, Peter and Andrea, Judith and Martin, Simon and Deborah and his mother and Alfred, her new friend who already had been introduced to him a little earlier.

Daze hugged her son once more and gave him an envelope. "These are highly coveted tickets for one of the stage performances by the Royal Shakespeare Company. You should consider carefully with whom you will go."

Barbara had tried to hide behind Judith and Martin when she was aware of Dorothy's eyes on her.

When Tommy opened the envelope and peeped onto the tickets his eyes grew wide. "It's a guest performance at the Minack Theatre! How have you got at those tickets, it's nearly impossible?!"

"Oh, it was just good luck. And maybe the fortune of being a friend of the artistic director." his mother winked.

Tommy hugged her again and then smiled broadly at his guests. He added a special smile towards Barbara saying that he already knew who would be accompanying him when he would go to the play. With a _very_ little speech he declared his February Barbecue open.

The first chops and burgers were already sizzling on the grill. It was seperated a bit with a white and blue police line. On a long table there stood bottles with different cold spirits, wine and soft drinks and glasses aside, some beer crates were put under it, buckets with ice and bottles of champagne stood next to the table, so everybody could take what they would wish for.

Some lamps swung in the wind, candles were lit on every table and a few torches were placed at the edges of the veranda and on the grass behind the house. Some patio heaters provided a bit warmth and iron baskets were placed strategically to give some idyllic light and heat later when the sun would have set and the wood in them would be set on fire. Silent music came from hidden speakers. Barbara already had noticed with relief that there was no dance floor.

* * *

Soon more guests arrived. Without the close family there would be about twenty-five people. Due to the fact that it was a winter's afternoon and the temperature was low they all had to wear warm clothings. A fact that Barbara liked very much. They all looked a bit the same - coats, scarves, gloves, boots. She even noticed some simple jeans like she had on herself. On a summer event she probably would have to wear some fancy dress like the other people his Lordship used to invite for such events. She probably had to attend them soon enough, she thought. Immediately realising that this was forbidden ground to think on Barbara poured herself another champagne to forget about that. She did it without realising this time that she already sipped at that expensive stuff as if she got used to it for years.

Tommy mingled and played the perfect host. From time to time he took the time to drop by at the somewhat secluded bar table Barbara had chosen to stay at, sometimes with Peter and Andrea or Deborah and Simon, and most of the time with Jay and Martin too. Tommy told her about the people or the presents they had given him. He would have loved to get a kiss every time he came around or at least place his arm around her waist and now cursed the agreement they had made. It was Barbara's wish that they would not kiss or cuddle publicly for the time being and his party was declared public by Barbara since there were too many strangers for her. Barbara still waited for a good moment to give him the woodenbox she had bought. Not now.

"Tommy?!" she called him and immediately blushed. She felt as if everybody was watching her which - of course - they did not. At the moment she was talking with Jay and Deb. Their men were commandeered by Daze to light the torches. Now that she was eating her second bratwurst with tons of ketchup she waved with her bread at Tommy who stood at the serving table to signalise him that she needed more of it. He came around with a little bread basket. From a distance he already saw that she was giving Limpy, who sat next to her and begged, a piece of her bread.

"You shouldn't do that, Barbara." he said, still a few strides away. "Drop, Limpy! Bad boy!"

Limpy eyed him guilty but then laid down on his side and played dead dog. "Oh, you stupid thing..."

"Oh, no..." Barbara complained. "Leave him alone, Tommy. He's a _good_ boy! And besides it's just bread, it's not that I'm giving him of that sausage." She rolled her eyes.

Judith just grinned about their conversation but Deborah muttered under her breath "If dad says no, mum says yes..." so Tommy's sister had to turn away to not break out in a loud laughter. Barbara obviously had not heard them.

Tommy put the new bread basket on the table when he arrived. Totally at ease with the situation and acting as if nothing extraordinary happened Barbara tilted her head to him, lifted her chin and gave him a thanking kiss on his lips. Shocked about herself and about how normal it had been her eyes widened. She even stopped chewing for a few seconds longer than necessary for that kiss. Oh, she should not have done that while everybody was watching them. She almost blushed again.

Tommy chuckled. "See, it's easy, isn't it?" He took advantage of her little shock and stole another quick kiss that made her cheeks redden. Without waiting for a reprimanding answer from Barbara Tommy quickly disappeared. He had spotted Michael, his trusted gearhead, arriving on the veranda. Nobody else but Michael Roberts was allowed to lay his hands on the precious car of his Lordship and besides they have been friends for what seemed an eternity.

Barbara cleared her throat and turned back to the table, her eyes shooting from Deborah to Judith and back. Of course they had observed them the entire time.

"If you have agreed on pretending to _not_ be an item, Barbara, you both have failed." Judith commented with a smug grin and raised her glass. "Even _without_ that kiss everybody could see it. You both radiate like newly enamoured lovebirds."

"Oh, please! Judith!" Deborah scolded her but raised her glass nonetheless and laughed at Barbara. "To love!"

"Yah, shut up, both of you..." Barbara grumbled halfheartedly and busied herself with her bread. Limpy benefited from her defiance and received more of it. She was glad that most of the guests were engrossed in eating, drinking and chatting and hopefully nobody would have noticed the kiss.

* * *

**.**

* * *

**...**


	24. February Barbecue, Flying

**I'd like to thank Cats070911 for two wonderful inspirations!**

* * *

**...**

**February Barbecue - Flying  
**

**...**

* * *

**... - 3 - ...  
**

* * *

When he came back to the table, Judith and Deborah were somewhere else at the moment, Tommy showed a little toy plane and an envelope and told her the secret behind it. Michael led the garage his granddad had opened after his retirement from the RAF service, he explained to Barbara. Tommy's own grandfather, severely injured in a plane crash and not able to fly anymore, had served on ground while Frank Roberts, his late Lordship's close comrade and later highly decorated Wing Commander, or Uncle Robbie like Tommy called him, fought in the Battle of Britain.

"Guess what - his Bristol 156 Beaufighter, it's a two-seated air plane like this toy, is being restored lately and when the annual show in July takes place on the airport just around here they display it. And it flies again!" Tommy's eyes shone brightly. "Uncle Robbie was allowed to name five persons to have a flip - and I am one of those lucky ones!"

Unfortunately the veteran was not present at this party. Or better say _fortunately_ because otherwise Tommy probably would have hugged the old man to death.

"I don't think I approve of that." Barbara sceptically eyed the podgy model plane with its two propellers.

"You don't trust that old plane?"

"I don't even trust your old car!" she muttered and exactly knew in the instant she had said it what would follow.

"It's a _classic_ car." Of course he had to get that straight. "And has it ever let you down?" Smiling Tommy squeezed her shoulder.

"At least it _is_ already down on the ground if the motor malfunctioned..."

"Do you fear for me?" With a lovestruck smile Tommy pulled her closer into his side.

"Not for the first time it looks like I have every reason to do so." She tried to look stern but all she could muster was a desperate grimace. _Oh, please, Tommy!_ she thought. _Don't look at me that way._

Her knees started to turn weak and it was pure luck that Michael arrived in that moment. If Tommy would have continued to look at her with all the love pouring from his eyes she probably would have swooned. Or at least melted. Most certainly she would have pulled him into a kiss.

* * *

"Aye, Tommy, almost forgot to give you his usual epigraph card." The mechanic winked and offered the birthday card from his old and wise uncle. While Tommy read it Michael explained to Barbara the quirk of Uncle Robbie to not only give a present but always also a card with some wordly wisdoms.

Tommy had read it and pensively eyed Barbara. Without asking for permission this time he bent down and gave her another short but tender kiss which was commented by an appreciative "Oy!" from Michael.

"This is for you." Tommy whispered onto Barbara's lips and gave her the card. Apart from best wishes for his birthday there was the said epigraph. She read:

_If you believe in yourself and believe in what you are doing then you are twice as strong as if you don't.*_

She found it hard to keep cool, to fight back her tears but she did not need to give an answer because unfortunately Tommy already was whisked away once more, this time by his mother for something _extraordinarily_ unimportant.

* * *

**... - 4 - ...  
**

* * *

He was admiring her, how she stood there with a glass of champagne in one hand, her reddish hair glowing in all the flickering lights from the torches and fires. At the moment she was talking nicely with Michael the mechanic, her hands gesticulating. She needed both hands. Tommy smiled about the explanation she currently gave though he did not even heard her. He could not say why he noticed it in that moment but she was not only having uncoloured fingernails but she also was not wearing any rings. He imagined a silver band with a tiny unobtrusive diamond.

Tommy swallowed.

Barbara was laughing freely, full of self-conciousness. Though he felt his usual little sting of jealousy Tommy knew she was just at ease with the situation. He loved her for enjoying herself and he knew by the little quick glances she shot at him every now and then that she obviously still had him on her mind. Tommy was drinking in her appearance with his eyes. His mind wandered onwards, created fantasies about the upcoming night, about _him_ with _her_. He planned to make love to her the rest of the night after this party. He planned to spoil her rotten as if it was _her_ birthday and not his.

Tommy stood at the table with the drinks and did not even pretend anymore to listen to Deborah who was talking about the new horse Simon recently had bought. He just inserted one or the other "M-hm." but finally did not answer the question she had directed at him.

"You're not listening, Tommy, are you?"

"Hm?"

"You haven't listened throughout the entire monologue I was performing, have you?" she chuckled.

"Sorry, Deborah, I actually haven't." He blushed and excused himself. Grinning Deborah shook her head and looked out for her own love.

* * *

When Tommy was on his way to Barbara to steal one more little kiss he was held by another guest who had just arrived. After receiving a present and exchanging the inevitable adequate small talk he managed to escape her and finally made it to the table where Barbara now stood all alone.

Laughing Tommy waved a long thin thing she identified as a fly fishing rod.

"Gods, no..." was her unbelieving comment. "Do you have a new boring hobby?"

Tommy put a book with a fish on its cover and a little plastic case with a transparent lit on the table - it contained fly fishing baits. He explained that it was a gift from Lady Smythe-Corringdot, a not so young Lady who lived in Nanrunnel and was a good friend of his mother. She probably was active in every single local club, society and organisation and well known for being a busy rural woman.

"She always tries to bring me closer to the beauty of our land." Tommy chuckled. "To find some peace from the roaring bee-hive of London, she used to say. A few years ago she had presented me with binoculars and a bird identification book. I also can call a pick and magnifier my own. Plus a mineral identification book of course." He rolled his eyes. "Give me a kiss?" he added silently. "Nobody's watching."

"No." Barbara glared at him.

* * *

"She's some kind of a nature-girl, huh?" She eyed the old Lady in her heavy boots and with a rugged winter coat plus an even more rugged old flat cap.

"Oh, yes. And I believe she's secretly in love with me. She must be very disappointed now that I'm not on the market anymore." He cheekily grinned.

"Don't make fun of it, Sir." There was a little hurt in her voice Barbara could not totally hide because _she_ had been secretly in love with _him_ for years. That was not funny.

"You're not _secretly_ in love with me, Barbara." Tommy bent closer to her to perhaps catch a small kiss.

"Is that so?" Barbara still pouted a bit and raised her eyebrows. She could not hide the little grin that twitched the corners of her mouth. "Recently you're quite sure of yourself in such sort of matters, _Sir_. It seems very new to me."

"Recently you're quite flirtatious, Havers. Now that's quite new to _me_!" Tommy laid his arm around Barbara's shoulder and inconspicuously looked around. He desperately wanted to give Barbara that kiss now but of course he also did not want to be under close watch by his guests. _She_ would not like that either. The coast was clear so he bent down.

"Tommy!" a cousin called before Tommy had the chance to accomplish his secret mission. _Blimey!_ He inwardly cursed.

"Come over here, Tommy, we have to shoot some selfies with you."

* * *

**.**

* * *

**...**

* * *

**Author's notes: **While I clicked through Wikipedia, the free online encyclopedia, searching two-seated old RAF planes (thanks, Cats!), I stumbled over _Bob Doe_ who inspired me for Tommy's Uncle Robbie. I also learned that _Bristol_ not only built cars. How wonderfully fitting.

* * *

*quote from Bob Doe. Also wonderfully fitting on Barbara's search for Tommy.


	25. February BBQ, Champagne & Obligations

**Author's notes: **Thanks so far for all your reviews and PMs. You won't believe how inspirational they sometimes could be. Here's another chapter because it's Sunday - at least in Europe ;-)

* * *

**...**

**February Barbecue - Champagne and Obligations  
**

**...  
**

* * *

**... - 5 - ...  
**

* * *

Barbara was daydreaming of the morning's meeting at the cooker, remembered the short but promising encounter at the fridge and let her eyes rake over his body, let them drown in his, smiling at him while he talked with a guest a few yards away from where she stood. His dark hair was even darker in the night, his eyes were black marbles, his skin seemed tanned in the yellow and orange light from all the candles and torches and fires that burned in the iron baskets. Fantasising about what she would like to do with him right now and right here if they would be alone she reddened at the warm feeling in her belly the mere thought of it gave her and quickly averted her eyes.

Once again she had the feeling of being observed by the whole party. After a few sips at her champagne it came to her mind that she had not yet given him the wooden box so she searched for Tommy's eyes again. It did not take too long because he might have wandered around but still his eyes riveted on Barbara. She was asking him with just one look and one almost invisible turn of her head to follow her right now. Distinctively she placed the still half-full glass of champagne in the middle of the empty bar table. Without waiting for a nod she turned and left. She knew he had understood - they had practised and perfected their silent communications over the years. This had been a clear invitation. Tommy swallowed and hesitated just a second before he bid his cousin to excuse him and expectantly followed her into the house.

At the moment fortunately nobody was in the living room adjoining the veranda, so nobody saw him following his favourite guest into the hall.

Barbara had hidden the box next to a big cupboard at the foot of the grand staircase.

"I still have to give you your present." she said when he had catched up with her.

"Oh, you're the best present I ever got. I don't need anything else." Tommy pulled her close and finally was rewarded with the so much wanted kiss. A very intense kiss that left them breathlessy leaning against the heavy oak wood cupboard.

"Gosh, Tommy..." she breathed and buried her face into his chest. "Seriously. I simply wanted to give you this present. I've found something so nice for you. Please let go of me to bring it."

"Only under protest."

"Protest noticed."

* * *

With the remark that she had eaten the chocolates on her own she gave him the wooden box she had wrapped only in a big green ribbon with a nice bow right above the copper plate with his name. "It's nothing special but it's nice I think."

Tommy loosened the bow and carelessly let the ribbon fall to the floor. His eyes lit up when he saw the engraved name.

Barbara explained where she had bought it. "I've found this box coincidentally at an antiques shop in some side alley. You can store your cuff links in it. Or your tie pins. I thought this was better than the choc-"

Her explanation was interrupted by another desperate kiss with his hips pushing her against the cupboard.

In her mind she had gotten used to his given name before his silly walk tonight. She had secretly wanted to give him a hint. Tommy was sure of that. Oh, he had been so blind. The kiss grew even hotter now that they were alone for the moment.

Tommy wanted nothing more than to be _all_ alone with her. Heavily breathing he mumbled into her ear. "Let's go to Asherton View Point now. I never showed you this beautiful spot."

Barbara had her eyes closed and enjoyed his lips on her skin. "You run away again?" she huskily asked, her hands raking through and across everything they could reach.

"No. I just need to cool down outside and want to show you this place." He gently nibbled at her earlobe and elicited a little moan from her lips.

"Tommy..."

"In fact I just want to be alone with you!" He gave her a deep look clearly saying that he wanted to go upstairs and do anything but cool down. Forget about that view point! Her eyes told him that she agreed. There was fear, there were expectations, and most of all there was desire shining in those green eyes.

They shared another gentle kiss to seal the deal. His body pressed her softly against the furniture in her back and she let her head bump against the wood to give him better access to her throat.

* * *

"Ah, Tommy!" Daze called from the door to the living room.

"What now?!" he grunted roughly into the crook of Barbara's neck.

Their encounter was interrupted by his mother asking him to please come back onto the veranda because Vicar Haines had just arrived and he had brought Mayor Trescothick with him. "You should-"

"No! No. I don't care about the bloody old men, mum, I'm..." He looked at Barbara who tried to hide her red face behind his chest. "She's... We're... _Mum_!" Tommy had the desperation clearly written in his face. What they _were_ was obvious for his mother. She might be old but she was not dumb and she had not forgotten how it felt to be newly in love. Actually she experienced the feeling quite lively at the moment. She smiled and shook her head, more to get rid of the thoughts of Alfred than to stop Tommy's teenagerish objections.

Someone unexpected supported her. Barbara gave in to her usual hesitancies and the re-surfacing fears where this kiss surely would have led them. She wanted them to get there but the nearer it came the more she feared to disappoint Tommy. Seconds ago she wanted him in her arms more than anything else in the world and had put her objecting apprehensions in the farthest corner of her mind. Now she used reason as a pretext to backtrack. She cupped his face with one hand and reminded him of his duties as the host of this party.

"Tommy, _you're_ the Earl here. You're the Lord and Master of this house. You should let them bootlick you, they expect that from you and it probably boosts their ego."

Tommy grinned. No, Barbara truly did not need her ego to be boosted. She only should detect more often that she was a very strong woman. A woman in fact, and he wanted to learn more of that woman right now. He still tried to object.

"I put no value to be bootlicked, you know that."

"But _they_ do."

"Are you playing my guilty conscience?" Tommy raised an eyebrow.

"No, Sir, but probably these old important men feel rejected and therefore become sulky or even mad at you and I've had enough bad atmosphere for one weekend. I could do with a few more hours of peace and ease."

Defeated he sighed. She was right, but still...

"Now go. I'll follow when I've ...umm ...refreshed a bit." Barbara blushed when she shot a quick glance at Daze who looked intrigued at the couple. She had followed their whole conversation with a raised eyebrow.

Well, what Barbara had said would not have been _her_ exact choice of words but in fact she was right and miraculously it worked. Her son deeply sighed and turned to re-attend his barbecue party. Daze had expected it to be a, let's say _different_ relationship between the fiery sergeant and her son, but obviously Barbara seemed to have some strange _impacting_ influence on him. And Daze never would have thought that this woman whom she had come to know as always defending her own working class roots now reminded Tommy of his duties as the Earl of Asherton. Which _he_ on the other hand usually _never_ forgot. How very strange.

And he had called her _mum_. Twice. He had not for decades.

* * *

**... - 6 - ...  
**

* * *

Vicar Haines greeted him with open arms and a bottle of an expensive wine. The old man once had baptised him and later his siblings and was a good old friend of the family. Mayor Trescothick on the other hand was no friend but in his role as the mayor of Nanrunnel had to be treated special. He always was a bit too servile and obviously derived benefit from knowing the Ashertons. Well, their beneficial engagements also took advantage of the fact that the mayor loved to see their crest in the town hall's window and on his web site so Daze shamelessly could advertise there.

The Vicar already had found someone else to talk to and had left Tommy alone with the wordy mayor. Now Trescothick almost showcased his formal excuse for being late and held a little speech to the birthday boy and those who could not flee quick enough. He spoke about Nanrunnel and its beautiful surroundings while he was giving his present to Tommy. After having thanked sufficiently Tommy offered him the whole range of drinks and something to eat.

"Feel free to take what you want." Then he finally could escape him and he fled back to Barbara who meanwhile had come back outside.

"Look, what he'd given me - a beautiful calendar." His voice was a bit sarcastic, Barbara noticed. The calendar from the national trust showed 52 pictures of Cornwall. She knew it.

"It's a nice calendar. Don't be surprised when you see the exact same thing at my bedroom wall." she said. "I've bought one of it too."

Suddenly recognising what her suggestion implied she looked at Tommy's smiling face with wide shocked eyes. "Oh, umm... I..." She blushed. She should get used to the idea that, well, someday soon he _would_ be in her bedroom.

Tommy also did not miss the hint and grinned even more. Some day soon he would love to be unaware of a calendar on her bedroom wall.

When he was pulled away by two friends to help them decide which Whisky was the better one he quickly whispered "Hold that thought, Barbara." before he disappeared.

She was too slow to give him a suitable answer.

* * *

A little later some guests already had gone and the others mostly were inside now since it had become quite fresh outside. Barbara had talked with Andrea on the veranda about her job in Oxford. Now she started to freeze and went inside where she spotted Tommy standing with two 'bloody old men', one of them wearing a clerical collar, talking animatedly. She walked over and forgot that she had not wanted any public signs of affection on this party. She simply looped her arm through his, leaned a bit into Tommy's side and said "Hi!"

While Tommy, irritated for just a short moment, introduced them she smiled and nodded.

"Vicar Haines... and Mayor Trescothick. Gentlemen, this is Barbara Havers." After a short pause he added with his eyes on her "My partner."

"Miss Havers." Vicar Haines smiled and just shook hands with her but Trescothick took her hand and placed a kiss on it.

"Milady."

_Bootlicker!_ Barbara thought. "Just _Miss_. Or Detective Sergeant if you absolutely want a title. Nice to meet you."

"So, you're working partners as well, I suppose?"

_Nosy old man!_ Tommy thought. "For more than ten years now."

"A very long time." the Vicar acknowledged.

"Haven't we already met at the engagement party of Lord Asherton and Lady Helen?" Trescothick was not very subtle.

Tommy winced and expected an outburst from Barbara.

"We've all been good friends for such a long time." she evasively answered. The Mayor did not need to know that Helen had not liked her very much and envied her for being around her husband all day long. Why the hell had he brought up that topic anyway?

_Idiot!_

Fortunately the vicar changed the subject by praising this party and joking that it obviously was no bad sign she attended it because they still were celebrating and not chasing criminals like the last time.

He went on thin ice but hit Barbara's humor. She laughed out loud and added that it looked like they had divine succour since _he_ was there.

"You should attend all ou...f the coming events, Vicar." she grinned. With a side glance at Tommy she noticed that he had registered her little faux pas. She almost had said '_our_ coming events' but turned it into an 'of' in the last second. His smile had a little smug grin in its corners.

* * *

Daze had seen their conversation and overheard most of it. Leaning back into the cushions of the sofa she said to Alfred that she was glad that she could retire soon.

"What do you mean, darling? Already tired?"

"No. Over there. Look." Alfred followed the motion of her nod. "_This_ is the next Lady Asherton."

* * *

**.**

* * *

**...**


	26. February BBQ, Stevie & Snorre

**Author's note: **Sorry, this just had crossed my mind today and I _had_ to insert it. FLUFF ALARM ! :-D

Also sorry for any mistakes or poor language but this is a quickly written thing (notes on the way to work, typed into my mobile, not a full hour of forming clear sentences and re-reading it when I was back home) ...

* * *

**...**

**February Barbecue - Stevie and Snorre**

**...**

* * *

**... - 7 - ...**

* * *

Barbara had just come from the toilet when she saw the open door to the music room. There stood a little miniature Tommy sucking his thumb, firmly pressing his cuddly toy bear into his chest and watching with big eyes into the world. Barbara knew that he had been laid down there to take a nap while his single father, not having found a baby-sitter for this evening, still was celebrating. The boy was Tommy's godson, the son of his cousin Phillip. He looked so much like Tommy with his dark unruly hair Barbara immediately thought that their own son probably would look the same. She had just recovered from her blush when she arrived at the door.

"Hello, sleepy head." She knelt down and smiled. From up close she saw how similar to Tommy the little boy looked. His face almost was just big green eyes. She swallowed. _His dark hair and my green eyes._

"Are you ok, little man?"

The little man shook his head.

"Did you have a bad dream?" she asked and the little man nodded, sudden tears rolling down his face.

Barbara hugged him. "Oh, sh, baby, don't cry. You're Stevie, aren't you?"

Stevie nodded again and snuffled.

"You remember me? I'm Barbara."

"Barbaa?"

"M-hm. Here, I'll dry your face." With a clean serviette she still had had in her pockets since the barbecue she wiped his face and nose. Tenderly stroking his cheek she asked him if it was better now.

Stevie nodded.

"Who's that?" Barbara whispered pointing her chin at the bear.

Stevie whispered: "Snorre."

"Did he cry too?"

Stevie nodded.

"Come here, Snorre." Barbara wiped the Teddy's face too. "You take care of him, do you, Stevie?"

Stevie nodded and yawned.

"Do you want to talk about your dream, Stevie?"

Stevie shook his head. "Dere's a munster in de cupperd."

"Should I chase it away or do you want me to help you and Snorre find your dad?"

Stevie held out his little arms so Barbara could get up with him propped onto her hip.

"Find daddy." He looped his arms around her neck, suddenly wide awake, distinctively bolder and courageously curious about what went on in the house. Barbara remembered where she last had seen Phillip so she went into the living room with the boy on her arm until they reached him and he took over his son.

"Would you tell Tommy that I'm sorry I had to leave?" the father asked. "I know he will understand."

"Of course." Barbara mumbled.

"Taking over responsibilities, Barbara?" Tommy's sister cheekily asked with a broad grin and put a glass of champagne in Barbara's hand. Before the blushing woman could answer something grumpy Judith already was out of earshot. Barbara was a bit shocked because she realised that this was the second time a guest had left the party unexpectedly earlier than planned and bid _her _goodbye instead of Tommy. This was too much. She quickly had to take a sniff of fresh air on the veranda. Tommy was out of sight though she had seen him seconds ago when she had come back to the party. He had seemed engrossed in a conversation and since she had been busy with the boy she only had caught a quick glance from his shiny eyes.

Barbara downed half of the champagne in one big gulp.

* * *

All the time Judith had watched her brother intensely looking out of the door where she had seen Barbara disappearing. She knew he just had waited for her to come back. She had seen how his face had lit up every time their eyes had met. When she had seen Barbara re-entering the living room with the boy on her arm Judith had looked back at her older brother. Tommy visibly had melted. Tears had shot in his eyes and he quickly had excused himself from the conversation he had held at that moment. His sister knew that those were tears of his old pain but much more tears of joy now that he obviously had found the woman with whom he will try again all the love and family things he so had wanted his whole life.

Judith was entirely happy for Tommy.

* * *

**.**

* * *

**...**


	27. Evening at Howenstow

**Author's notes:** Jan, I have something for you *grins*

* * *

**...**

**Evening at Howenstow**

**...**

* * *

The party was over, the last guests were gone shortly after nine o'clock, Simon and Deb had stayed a little longer but they finally also had driven back to their hotel in Nanrunnel before it got too late.

While Tommy was helping his brother and Martin to turn off the fires, candles, patio heaters and all other lights on the veranda Barbara got upstairs into her room to pack her things, because early in the morning she was supposed to drive back to London, back into reality and normal life.

Tommy had forgotten to tell her about his call to Hillier. Having cleaned up a bit outside he wondered where she was. His mother told him so he rushed up the stairs only to meet Barbara halfway.

"Where have you been?"

"Huh? Why, I've packed my things. Tomorrow morning I have to return back into reality."

"Oh, haven't I told you?" He encircled her waist. She stood one step above him so their eyes were on the same level. His tempting lips also were. Her willpower vanished in the void and closing her eyes she simply kissed him. There was too less time left in this Cornish heaven anyway until she would be gone.

"Mmh. What was that for?"

"It's your birthday, forgot?"

"No." he grinned and kissed her again. "But _I've_ forgot to tell you that I've phoned the Chief Super and arranged a couple of days off for you. Let's spend them at Emerald Cottage." _Let me spend them loving you. Let's start right now._

Barbara had no objections when he pressed his lips onto hers.

"Hey, you're goin' to meet us in the music room for the night cap?" Judith went by calling them and waving two bottles of champagne and wine. She broadly grinned when they let go of each other with a frustrated groan.

His family had always celebrated this last drink even when the atmosphere had not been the best. In the beginning of his police career in London he had not celebrated this February Barbecue anyway and Peter mostly had been notably absent.

This year it was so different. Tommy had hope again that his life would be wonderful from now on. That monstrous elephant between him and Peter finally had started to walk out of the room and with Barbara at Tommy's side he had no need to be envious of his mother finding love again or of his sister getting married and expecting a baby. He could have it all too. With Barbara of course. If she agreed.

"Come with me." he said, already pulling her down the stairs with him. "This is our last obligation for tonight."

* * *

His family already was seated in the music room - Peter on the piano stool, Andrea in his lap, Judith and Martin on the settee, Daze in one of the armchairs. Barbara placed herself in the other armchair while Tommy poured two more glasses of champagne and gave her one.

"Oh, I envy you for the champagne." Judith moaned and Martin placed his hand on her belly with a proud smile.

"Next year you will have your champagne and I take care of the baby." he winked.

Tommy shot a quick glance at Barbara but she averted her eyes.

After talking a bit of the wonderful barbecue party Peter turned and started to plunk a bit on the piano. Andrea had turned too and leaned on his shoulder. When he started to play a piece the conversation behind their backs ebbed. They all listened closely to his variations of the _Theme From Love Story_*.

Daze stared at the ceiling with an enchanted smile. The music had not reached its half but Judith and Martin already were openly cuddling and caressing each other and exchanged little kisses and inaudible words. Tommy never had known how good his brother's play meanwhile had become. Finally he could not hold back his own tears anymore and he let them flow. Though Barbara sat in the armchair and Tommy next to the couple on the settee she could reach his hand. Before the piece was over they had their fingers entwined.

* * *

After the song had ended and Peter played another one. Judith and Martin stopped hugging and just smiled sheepishly, both with a blushed face.

Daze had shed a few tears. All her children were in love, she was too, everything seemed to come to terms this year. She was entirely happy for all of her children. After she had dabbed her tears she saw that her daughter also looked as if she had cried.

"Oh, do you need the kleenex, Jay?" She held out the box to her and then laughed when she noticed Tommy secretly wiping his eyes. "Seems like we're a tearful family this year."

"Bollocks!" her son grinned. Squeezing Barbara's hand once more Tommy got up and motioned Limpy, who of course again had rested at his feet, to follow him. Limpy wagged his tail and was glad to get another sniff of fresh air and a little relief before he would climb his basket for the night. He could get used to his Lordship's presence.

"Be right back." Tommy mumbled with a smiling wink at Barbara. She glared at him. He should not always make a fun of the previous evening. With an almost invisible motion of his head he invited her to follow him so she got up as soon as he was out of the door.

"I'm going to meet him outside." She displayed a broad but shy grin and looked at nobody when she rushed out of the music room and out of the front door, grabbing her coat on the way. She was welcomed by his arms whisking her to the side and against the outer wall of the house.

* * *

"All evening I see your lips and they seem to call me like a siren saying 'Kiss me.' Just 'Kiss me!' all throughout the party and this piano playing was the hell of temptation!"

His lower right arm, propped against the wall next to her head, was keeping him from forcefully crushing her into the stones. His lips however could not be stopped. He invaded her gasping open mouth and let his tongue explore it. It was a feverish kiss they exchanged. His left hand found its way under her coat and held her chest right under her breast. Barbara grabbed his belt and pulled him close.

Oh, how she wanted him. Whatever dissents her fear might infiltrate her mind with, her body had clearly made up its own mind. In small circles Tommy gave in to his own needs and grounded his hips into hers. A heat wave of desire rushed through both. It was so hot they could have done it without their coats outside. Taking things slowly was a theory that turned out being obviously obsolete. Everytime he kissed her she forgot all her fears and objections and her mind was overflowed with love. Of course with physical love and lust when he kissed her passionately like now but also with a tender love and peace when he just breathed a kiss on her lips. There was a connection she could not explain. She never had felt something like this before.

Neither had he.

* * *

When Limpy came back from his first round around the yard he sat down next to the kissing couple and watched them patiently with inclined head, only giving one or the other harrumph in answer to their gasps and moans until Barbara, though _very_ engrossed in kissing, could not suppress her grin anymore. Tommy retreated and was about to ask what's wrong when she had to chuckle.

"Limpy's _so_ your mother's dog, Tommy. He even harrumphed reproachful like her."

Not wanting to talk about Limpy Tommy groaned and bumped his head onto the wall next to Barbara's head.

"Bloody dog!" he whispered into her hair and made Barbara laugh even more. "Couldn't he get off? Chasing rabbits or else..."

"No. He loves you. Which is very understandable." She stroked his cheek with its so adorable evening shade of stubbles.

"Woof!" Limpy wagged his tail and Tommy gave in. He playfully wrestled with the impertinent animal.

"Yooou bloooody thiiing!" He truly could not be angry with Limpy at all.

"Right. Since this is ruined anyway - let's go for a little walk?" Tommy suggested waving the dog's leash through the air. Old Limpy excitedly jumped in circles. They made their way around the house, across the yard and past the stables, then Tommy helped Barbara over the stonewall to the meadows.

"Tommy!" she shrieked.

"I've always wanted to do _that_ when we had to climb over walls to a crime scene!" he whispered into her ear and gave her another gentle bottom smack. "Forgive me. I'm just a weak man, tempted by a wonderful woman."

"Ah, bollocks! That's presumptuous!"

They went on hand in hand with each other. After they had crossed the gate in the fence on the other side of the meadow they walked five more minutes with the little torch light showing the way until they reached the Asherton View Point.

It was dark. They could not see much from the beautiful view but could hear the waves crushing against the shore deep down beneath the narrow footpath. Limpy explored and marked his territory. He would not go too far. Close to each other the couple sat down on the bench, cuddling and exchanging some gentle kisses.

"I could sit here the whole night with you." Tommy breathed.

"No more nights out in the cold wind, Tommy." Barbara leaned her head onto his shoulder and closed her eyes.

"With you I could sit on an ice flow in the Arctic winter with nothing on but skin and never would freeze."

For a while they sat in comfortable silence and watched the leaden sea.

Now was the perfect moment.

* * *

"Do you remember what I've said this afternoon? In the music room?" he asked still facing the dark waters.

She did not move or open her eyes. "M-hm, yah, basically."

"Didn't it sound like a proposal?

_Oh hell, it absolutely sounded that way!_ "Did it? Hm, well, yes, a bit..." _Keep calm, Barbara! He's only going to make it clear that it was _none_.  
_

"So, if that was a proposal, was your answer to be seen as a positive answer then?" _Yes, make it complicated, you fool._

_He's not really asking...?!_ Barbara almost stopped breathing. She lifted her head and eyed him with her brows wrinkled. "Tommy, what are you trying to say?"

"Not say. Ask." _Then form a clear sentence, idiot._ Tommy tried to keep his nerves at ease. _She's not making it easy for me._

"What?" Barbara feared she knew what he wanted to ask, or asked her already in a very skewed way that is.

Tommy breathed in and out twice before he continued.

"I was... I _am_ trying to _ask_ you if you would accept my hand in marriage..."

It still was not formed as a question, he realised. Additionally he could feel her body stiffen so he went on speaking and tried to make it sound lighter. To make it sound as if it was not a life-changing question - you know, that thing with endless love, together forever, in good and bad times... "Love me like I love you, be my Countess, be my wife, that sort of thing..."

_Oh, you're such a romantic, Tommy._ he thought, angry with himself. He absolutely failed at making it sound as if the decision would have a less serious impact on their future.

She had not yet said a word and all he could see in the dim light of the moon did not look too encouraging. It stretched his nerves.

"What do you think, Barbara?" he asked her tentatively.

"No!" she blurted out and frowned. "That's stupid!"

* * *

**.**

* * *

**...**

* * *

*Theme From Love Story, music by Francis Lai, lyrics (later) by Carl Sigman, from the film Love Story (1970) - yeah, it's kitschy! :-D


	28. Night at Asherton View Point

**...**

**Night at Asherton View Point**

**...**

* * *

Barbara rolled her eyes and glared at him as if he was asking if she wanted to jump down the cliff. In fact all this felt as if she was standing on top of one. His question made her feel like there were only two ways - go back and leave it all here at the Cornish coast, forget about it, just keep a few nice memories of kissing him and have a boringly normal life again when back in London.

Or jump.

Well, probably it would be a very short extraordinarily wonderful feeling of flying but the impact would be smashing. It would not work. It could not. It was impossible. She was no lady nor would she ever become one.

They had looked at each other for a while, trying to read the other's face in the dark.

Tommy mainly saw fear and incredulity next to a secured, hidden and buried romantic love.

_Or maybe I just imagine that. _he thought._  
_

Barbara saw hope, insecurity, love and longing and the desperate will to not accept a no.

_How could he ask? Of course I _want_ to marry him but that wouldn't work. Can't he see it?  
_

In a quick movement he suddenly scooted off the bench and knelt down in the mud with one knee.

"No! Don't!" she cried. "Don't be ridiculous, Sir!" _Oh, my, and when we return to Howenstow there will be mud stains on his trousers and everybody will know that he had knelt down in front of me for _the _important question._

"I am so very serious." He did it how it should be and took her hand. After a little kiss on its back he asked her again.

"Barbara Havers. I love you" - he raised a hand to keep her from interrupting - "I have for years though I haven't known until recently. I don't care about class issues, I don't care about what others may think about us, I don't care about the Met. I care about _you_ and _only_ you. You are all that matters. You've been the reason I get up in the morning for such a long time now and now I want to get up in the morning _with_ you for the rest of my life. I want to spend my life with you, Barbara. I want to let the world know that we are _one_. I want you- Limpy! Get off!" Tommy frowned at the dog and then smiled sheepishly about that interruption. "I want to walk the dog with you for the rest of my life..." At that point he _had_ to turn to the dog who - untroubled by Tommy's speech - had started to kiss his master's face now that he had the opportunity with him kneeling on the ground. "...even if it was such an impertinent bloke like Limpy... Bad boy! Off and _sit!_"

* * *

Barbara did not know what to feel - love, amusement, fear? She could not even cry with emotion so she just nervously chuckled. Her hand trembled. Would a future with Lord Thomas Lynley, the eighth Earl of Asherton, be exactly that? Full of love, full of humor, even full of fear?

"Okay. Once more..." Tommy's attention went back to the woman on the bench when Limpy finally had laid down with a reproachful look but stayed there. "I want to let the world know of our love. I want you to carry my ring, my name and while we're on it, yes, one day I want you to carry my child." He had not wanted to say _that_ but it had come straight from his lips without his will. He suddenly had had the vision of Barbara carrying little Stevie to Phillip and could not have kept it to himself. He squeezed her hand. Yes, he already had had pictured her with his children quite some time before.

Barbara took a sharp intake of breath but Tommy placed his index finger on her lips to seal them. He had not yet finished.

"I want to grow old with you and raise a family and one day I want to spend our life's autumn with you here in Cornwall where we always had been so... well, emotional." He nervously laughed. "Here, where I've discovered the one word for the warm, turmoiled, soothing, desperate and very deep feelings I have for you: _love_. So I'm asking you once more and now that I've sensed you have objections I beg you to not give your answer now. All I ask at the moment is that you will promise me that you will think of it and sometime later give me your answer. Barbara Havers..." His voice turned even a nuance more tender. "...my dear, beloved, insubordinate Detective Sergeant Barbara Havers - will you marry me?" He smiled his most disarming smile. "Umm... will you _think_ about the _possibility_ of marrying me one day?"

She did not answer but just looked at his face, lit by a little bit of moonlight, watching her expectantly.

"Please say something." he croaked.

Barbara wanted to scream _yes_ and _no_ at the same time. How could he ask? Yes, she wanted to marry him. Yes, she even wanted to raise a family with him and tell the world about their love. But what if he was just rushing it again without thinking of it? What if he became bored of her? How would their life be with her being Lady A and hopping from one sandtrap to the other when they would attend functions and other official events? How could she be Lady A anyway? She was just an ordinary woman from the worker's areas of London. She would fail, she knew it. She could not believe in a shared future, could she?

The words from Uncle Robbie came to her mind:_ ...believe in yourself and believe in what you are doing then you are twice as strong as if you don't. _How she wanted to believe in all this but she was so afraid to lose herself, to lose _him_ too soon, to give up her former life though it had ended anyway when she had told him her best hidden secret, when she had told him that she loved him. But did he not tell her he loved her too? Yes, he had. But would that love be enough to cope with everything? And they even had not _made_ love yet. He did not yet know that she had such little experience, so much less than _he_ had. How could she not believe that she would disappoint him then? Oh, this was so scary.

"At least can I get up and give you a kiss?" Tommy finally asked when she had kept silent.

He did so without waiting for an answer. They sat on the bench, holding each other tightly, exchanging kisses and caresses that made her forget her fears again, ignoring the dog's nose resting on her thigh, wanting to take part, silently demanding caressesfor himself.

* * *

"And?" Tommy eventually asked slightly out of breath. "Remember - I love you."

"And I love you too, Tommy..." Barbara sighed and thought how she could explain that she feared to disappoint him. After a few moments of steadying breaths she silently spoke.

"I'd be going to disappoint you in so many ways, Tommy. Not only in... matters of my... inexperience - no, let me explain."

Tommy had wanted to object but knew he had to listen now. His hand went to her thigh and found Limpy's head. Instead of gently stroking Barbara and distracting her from what she needed to say he buried his hand in the fur of the dog.

"Imagine me in an evening dress with all the _bloody old men_ and those bored Ladies. They would have their fun seeing me using the wrong cutlery, drinking out of the wrong glasses, wanting ketchup for my chips - if they serve chips at all and not only violet potatoes with parsley." She rolled her eyes and Tommy smiled lovingly at her. _She's so wonderful._ he thought.

"And my language, Tommy. I'm speaking plain. They would stumble upon my accent, my unability to dance, everything. I could not marry you. I _am_ not and I don't _want to _be a lady. Apart from all the things I would do wrong and be a shame for you I also feel like I betray my roots. I am a working class Acton girl. And that will _never_ change."

Tommy's heart overflowed with love. He needed to convince her that she did not need to fear a single one of those things - or change her nature or behaviour. He did not even _want_ her to change.

"Barbara, I don't _want_ you to change. There is absolutely no need for. You already _are_ a lady, you're more a lady than many of those by birth that I know. Yes, you are different to my stiff upper lot, but a real lady nonetheless." He squeezed her hand trying to reassure her. "This evening when you've talked to Vicar Haines and Mayor Trescothick, well, mainly Trescothick, it seemed to me you already had decided your version of the future. Your version of being my partner. You appeared to be so at ease with the situation, so... grounded and graceful... and bold and blunt in answering his insolent questions. So very much how I want the next Lady Asherton to be."

"Bollocks, I just-"

"Yes, you just showed him that you're not my little sidekick, that you're not only my subordinated sergeant but my... equal wife. You've radiated that you're gonna be the next Countess of Asherton."

"That's ridiculous, Sir. I haven't-"

"You _have_ shown him that you're my Lady. And I truly believe that you're going to be the best Lady Asherton ever. You'd never give up your independency, your rebelliousness. You will show the _ bootlickers_ what you think of them and you will rock this noble world. You will stand your ground. You're blunt, you're bold, you're spiky, you're strong and fiery. You will teach the old and feeble peerage where it's at. That's what I believe." Tommy broadly grinned. "That's what _you_ have to believe too, Barbara. Believe in yourself. Believe in _us_."

_Wow, that was some sort of a speech. _Both took a deep breath._  
_

"There'd be still so _much_ I could do wrong."

Tommy understood that now she meant the physical part he so desperately had wanted to explore this weekend a few times already and felt that Barbara had wanted that too.

"When you love, truly _love_ someone, Barbara, there is no chance to disappoint. No matter how inexperienced you feel, or how experienced you think the other would be. When it's real, and _this_ _is_ reality, and it's also new to me in so many ways, so you're _never_ going to disappoint me. It's a new road for both of us, Barbara."

"It still isn't right." she mumbled. "I mean... that thing with marriage..."

"What makes you say no?"

"I'm not saying no, it's just..." Barbara bit her lower lip. Hesitantly she told him about the comparison with the jump from the cliff. Her fears of being smashed when she hit the solid ground at the bottom, when they finally hit the reality of every day life.

"Jump, Barbara. I'll be your life net."

* * *

**.**

* * *

**...**


	29. Nightcap

**...**

**Nightcap**

**...**

* * *

It had turned quite freezy outside on the coast and so they hurried back to the warm house. Barbara had not yet finally answered the question that would change their lifes. After a sarcastic comment on his ragged appearance, _your Lordship_, Tommy had cleaned his knee under the water crane on the stable's wall but of course his brother had noticed his wet trousers and commented it with a smirk and a raised eyebrow when they returned into the living room. Tommy nodded almost invisible at his unspoken question.

Judith and Martin also had gone for a walk and had not yet returned. The rest of the family spent another half hour with homely chatting. Obviously nobody wanted this evening to come to an end too soon but finally Barbara yawned and decided to go to bed.

When she got up three pairs of eyes watched them closely. Except for that hot gathering in the corridor when Daze had stopped them and the two unexpected little pecks when she stood at the table with Judith and Deborah nobody else had witnessed a real and open kiss of love between the two. Which did not mean that they were not obviously in love and would not radiate their affection. Even a blind could have seen that.

" 'night!" Barbara whispered and bending down she gave Tommy a short kiss on his lips. He grabbed her hand. His eyes were asking for more, her eyes answered that this would be all he would get now. _And don't follow me straight. _Barbara caught herself wishing he _would_ follow._  
_

"Well," his brother mumbled under his breath. "I believe you could do better. Like this." And he kissed Andrea into the cushions of the sofa.

Daze harrumphed and glared at her younger son.

Tommy simply ignored his brother. "Good night!" he breathed and pulled Barbara down to his lips again. "Sleep well, my love." The kiss they exchanged then was a bit longer. In fact it almost turned juicy but before his tongue had coaxed her lips to open she broke the contact.

Deeply blushing and without another turn to the family Barbara quickly left the room. Tommy grinned with an equally blushed face and watched her disappearing. He had felt all their eyes too. Expecting him to follow her they all waited for his good night wish that did not come. He would wait a bit more. Barbara would not like that they all knew or imagine what they were up to so Tommy stayed on his seat and tried to ignore his family's eyes. Or maybe Barbara did not even want him to follow her tonight? Making love in the parent's house always was a bit embarrassing, even if it was such a huge manor with such thick stone walls. Well, in fact it quasi was _his_ house too but maybe she would object anyway? Oh, he would refrain a bit longer and wait for the perfect moment when they're in the cottage in Nanrunnel. And there he would ask her again. He smiled at that idea.

* * *

It had been a long day for everybody and soon they all retired for the night so about half an hour later they all had left the living room. Tommy had put on his pyjamas in his bedroom but knowing he would not find sleep soon he decided to have another nightcap in the library so he also put on his dressing gown and went downstairs. There he met his brother in T-shirt and boxers, filling two glasses with some caramel coloured liquid.

"Peter! One more drink?"

Peter turned and looked at his brother as if he would see a ghost. "What are _you_ doing here?" he asked.

Tommy poured himself a whisky. "Oh, just like the two of _you_ I was going to have a nightcap before I retire for the night."

"Stupid!"

"What?"

"You are stupid, my brother." Peter sarcastically patted him on the back.

"Umm, would you please explain what brings you-" Tommy asked and Peter rolled his eyes.

"There is a woman upstairs who had dreamy eyes every time she looked at you and who had eaten you alive with those dreamy eyes of hers the entire afternoon and _you_ are coming down for a _nightcap_?" he unbelievingly asked. "I call that stupid! She is waiting for you, you idiot!"

"Peter..." Tommy knew what his brother meant, he knew what he wanted himself. But he had decided to keep it slow, he had decided to not follow her tonight. As hard or idiotic it might appear. He sipped at the strong stuff he had chosen.

Peter shook his head. His brother must be dumb. He took the half full glass of his brother's whisky.

"Go after her!"

"Peter, first, what there is, what there develops between Barbara and me - it develops one by one." _Although I already have asked her to marry me._ "We are taking things slowly."

"As if..." Peter ironically inserted.

"Second, I don't think that this is-"

"I don't care that you think or that actually this _is_ none of my business!" Peter turned his brother into the direction of the door and gently pushed him. "She loves you, you love her. You're a fool if you don't knock on her door right now."

_Ah, bloody - he was right. To hell with taking things slowly._ Tommy rushed up the stairs.

* * *

He knocked twice but heard no answer because Barbara heard no knock. When she had retired for the night she had fallen asleep in the instant she had crawled under her blanket and closed her eyes. The events of the day and the night before (and the glasses of champagne Judith constantly had given her) finally had taken their toll and she was fast asleep now despite whatever else she had on her mind before.

Though Tommy had heard no _Come in!_ he opened the door nonetheless and peeped through the crack. The light from the corridor shone into the room and he could see the back of her head. As if she had heard the door she turned and faced him with still closed eyes. Tommy freezed and even stopped breathing as if he was caught doing something forbidden. But thinking that he had a little right to be there he boldly whispered her name. She still did not move. Tommy just smiled at her, wishing he had the guts to simply enter her room and lay down next to her. A part of him wanted to simply fall asleep next to her, another part wanted to gently wake her up and demonstrate his love for her, yet another part wanted to give her time and space and let her sleep peacefully and without the shock in the morning of having him in her bed. Though it could become a very pleasant shock, he thought. The part that was overflowing with love made him sigh and still hesitate.

When Judith and Martin came up the stairs, giggling and in each other's arms, Tommy noticed it too late. He had no more time to close the door and pretend he had been doing something else in the corridor. So closing the door slowly and silently now he turned to his sister and Martin with a blushing face and a guilty smile. Judith chuckled.

"Hello, hello, hello, Tommy..." She wiggled her eyebrows.

Martin just grinned and went ahead with a good night wish. Judith stayed at Barbara's door and nodded at her brother.

"Where have you both been so long?" Tommy casually asked with a distinct look at a small straw in her hair. Judith blushed when he picked it with raised eyebrows.

"Oh, we... umm... we were just checking the temperature in the stables." She cleared her throat and grinned. "It's warm there. Barbara's already sleepin'?" she added changing the subject with a gesture towards the door.

Tommy nodded. "M-hm." He looked at his feet like a schoolboy.

"Say, why don't you just go in? I don't think she would object." Judith winked and placed a hand on his upper arm.

"No. No, I won't disturb her. She really needs a good night's sleep. After all that happened..." If he had pockets on his dressing gown he would have stuffed his hands in. Judith smiled. Her brother was so truly madly deeply in love and looked as if he could not handle it properly. As if he had not been in love before, as if this was something totally new to him. Well, obviously it was.

Judith hugged him and whispered reassuring words. "You're going to make it right this time, old brother. You deserve each other. You'll work out everything and you'll be fine. She's at your side. Just convince her she'd _stay_ there. And you're gonna stay at her side, promise me. She needs a bit of your assistance in our crazy posh world, you know her. And don't you dare running away when you stumble upon something difficult, whatever it might be. I know there will be huge obstacles. But you both belong to each other, Tommy. You already have for years."

"Thank you, Jay. It's just that I don't know-"

"Go to bed, get some sleep. Tomorrow you'll check out here and drive to Emerald Cottage for the rest of your spare time. You're goin' to get to know it there."

Tommy nodded. "Yah, sleep would do me good... 'night, Jay. You're the best sister in the world!"

* * *

**.**

* * *

**.**

* * *

**Author's notes:** Thank you all for your wonderful reviews and inspiring PMs. This story ends here but there will be an afterpiece. It will be in a second story (Who Cares - the post-sequel) so keep your eyes open and the filters set correct ;-)

Tess

* * *

**PS: **It goes on a bit...**  
**


	30. Runnel Boy

**Author's notes:** Yes, I agree. It was an unsatisfying end of _Who Cares - Book 1_ but since I intended to keep its rating I had to stop there. I definitely had wanted to be a bit more unrestrained in language and especially in their actions. This new chapter 30 originally was the first chapter of Book 2 but (after I've defused it a bit ;-) ) it now serves as a slightly better ending for Book 1 I think. I may have a second look at the next scenes/chapters and see if they also fit in here. Book 1 will not be marked as complete again until I post Book 2. Book 2 _definitely_ will be M-rated!

* * *

**.**

**Runnel Boy  
**

**.**

* * *

When Judith had left him alone at Barbara's door to follow her fiancé Tommy let his head bump against the wood. He desperately wanted to go in but he also wanted to make their first night special. Soft, loving, tender, romantic, undisturbed and... well, _special_. Yes, he should go back to bed, he should wait for tomorrow night when they would be at Emerald Cottage so for now he went to his own bedroom but still...

Climbing into his own bed alone he somehow still was not convinced at all that he had done the right thing, not crawling into bed with Barbara seemed stupid. That's what his brother had called him. _Yes, stupid._ Tommy had been lying in the dark with his face under the blanket, scolding himself for about five minutes and trying to reason with himself that he just wanted to wait another night because he wanted it to be _really_ special, _really_ romantic, with a fire crackling in the room, candles lit, time to explore each other, time _alone_ in the cottage. He pictured it so lively that he almost got up again, he almost threw his plans into disarray but then he thought he had heard a soft knock at his door so stopped his fantasy from running and lifted the blanket from his ears. Tommy listened into the silence until a second knock came.

* * *

"Yes. Come in." he said with a curiously expecting undertone and turned to switch on his night light. When he turned back to see who was there Barbara already had slipped under the sheets.

"Had a bad dream." Tommy instantly knew she had not. She told him a fib and it was obvious.

"Turn off the light." Barbara whispered and pulled the blanket up to her chin so he only had the chance to catch the smallest glimpse of her flannel pyjama with its funny prints.

"I thought you were sleeping?!" he then spoke into the dark.

"Somebody had a meeting in front of my door." Barbara sarcastically explained. "But nobody came in afterwards and I couldn't fall asleep again. Too many things in my brain."

Still under the influence of his recent fantasies about making love to her Tommy suddenly had such an inappropriate thought flashing through his mind that he felt a blushing heat wave running over his whole body.

They were lying at a distance in his huge bed, they were not even _feeling_ the other body's heat. Tentatively Tommy raised a hand and touched her face with his fingertips.

"Well, you could sleep here." he offered and smiled about her hand that already had shyly started to explore his chest under the duvet.

"That's why I came here." Her voice was a bit shaky. In fact she wanted all but _sleep_ now.

Gentle fingers caressed her face and her neck. Entire peace surrounded her and she answered his caresses with small, slow touches. She had moved a bit closer and could feel his body warmth near her. Slowly she placed her hand onto his hip and almost did not move it there.

They both had wanted this the whole day and now they felt shy and hesitant? Even Tommy?

_Crazy._ she thought and lazily circled her thumb across the waistband of his pants. _Maybe he is afraid he could be too... rushing? Hell, he shouldn't be..._

As if he had sensed her thoughts Tommy suddenly had slid close to her.

_She's come to his bedroom, hasn't she? She wants it, too. Now. There's no need to be hesitant._

"Finally alone." he whispered onto her lips and placed soft kisses there between every second word. " 'n' since you... can't sleep... 'n' since it looks... like I can't... either... we could as well..."

"Shut up, Tommy." Barbara pulled his head closer so he could not disturb their kiss with his words anymore. She had her mouth open and lured his tongue with hers. She could feel his knee pressing between hers in order to allow himself more closeness so she just pulled one leg around his. This encouraged his hand to pull at her waist and feeling his beginning arousal touching her thigh she let the warm feeling of need spread through her abdomen without any objections coming from her brain.

* * *

"I've wanted this the entire evening." she panted when they broke their kiss in need of some air. Hearing herself saying it and shocked about her boldness she looked a few seconds into the dark with wide eyes until she had to close them again. His scent in her nose made her head spin.

"Mh!" Tommy grunted against her throat. With the slightest force he turned her onto her back and fumbled under her pyjama top. He wanted to touch her skin with his. Now.

[ knock-knock-knock ] could be heard through the blood rush in their ears.

"Ah, get lost!" Tommy mumbled with his nose between her lapels and continued to graze the underside of her breast undisturbed. It caused Barbara to sigh.

[ KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK - "Master Lynley?!" ]

"What now, Hodge?! It better be _very_ important!" Angrily shouting Tommy lifted his head into the direction of the door. Barbara snorted a suppressed chuckle into the pillow.

"I'm utterly sorry, Sir, that I had to interrupt your sleep, Sir, but if it wasn't-"

"WHAT IS IT, Hodge?!" Tommy stopped the old butler's stutter.

"There's a serious incident with one of the horses, Sir."

"Fuck!" Tommy cursed and if it would not have been for the seriousness Hodge had insisted on disturbing Barbara would have laughed about his Lordship's unusual choice of curse. But now Tommy turned on his night light and almost was half out of the bed. "I'm coming, Hodge. One minute."

* * *

While jumping off his pyjama bottoms and into his jeans, still having a slight problem with closing its zipper, he noticed the double meaning and lopsidedly grinned at Barbara who laid on her back with a slightly defeated expression in her face, watching the deep concern in his eyes. "I'd better had." he mumbled. "Don't move, Barbara. I'll make it as quick as possible and be back here in an instant. I want to sleep in your arms tonight." His smile had turned a bit more tender when he gave her an apologetic kiss. "Don't hesitate to fall asleep. When I'm back you might be glad about having taken a nap."

* * *

"Hodge, what's with the horse? Make it brief."

"It's your Runnel Boy, Sir. Vet already informed. Probably a colic."

He went on talking while Tommy already was on his way down the stairs. Young Sebastian, one of the newest stable boys, had his first Sunday night shift all alone while the stable master had his first long weekend off since ages and had made a trip to his home in Scotland so there had been nobody who Sebastian could have turned to but his Lordship. It was his beloved gelding so he would have been informed second anyway. But since Tommy had turned off his mobile when he had gone for his walk with Barbara and simply forgot to turn it on again, the stable boy had to call the poor butler to go and wake him up. Tommy appreciated that Hodge had not wasted time with putting on his livery and had appeared in shirtsleeves. With a colic you might need every second. The veterinary surgeon already had been informed but would come later. It seemed he had to save a cow's life a few farms away first.

* * *

Barbara had heard what Hodge had told Tommy in front of the bedroom door and knew it must be something serious which could take some time so she got up, went to her room, put on her jeans and a jumper over her pyjama top. Then she went and prepared a thermos flask full of tea. With a deep sigh she slipped into the nearest wellies that looked her shoe size, put on her coat and crossed the yard to the riding hall where she could see a dim light coming from.

Silently she slipped through the door and watched how Sebastian, very agitated, and Tommy, calming both the horse and the boy with his low voice, led the gelding around and massaged his belly from time to time. Eventually Tommy got aware of her and came over to sip at the tea.

"Ta. I love you." he mumbled and kissed her cheek before returning to the sweating horse.

Nearly an hour went by. Barbara dozed on a bench at the side wall, a horse blanket wrapped around her legs. When Sebastian had gone to fetch some fresh water Tommy suddenly had enough of simply waiting for the vet. Without hesitation at the wordless offer Barbara took the short lunge from his hands and led the huge animal around while Tommy was on the phone. Since he was exhausted and tired Tommy sat down for a short moment after the call to have another cup of sweet tea. He watched Barbara walking the horse, obviously having forgotten her horror of 'the monstrous beast'. He loved seeing her wearing his sister's ridiculously patterned wellies. He loved how her funny pyjama top looked out from under her jumper. Walking there in the riding hall, head down, tiredly accepting the fate of caring for a horse even in the middle of the night when she could have done something better.

_Even sleep would be better._ he thought sighing. _Not to mention what they had been interrupted at._

Seeing her trudging through the sand with the horse following, both coming back to him at the moment, he smiled at her.

_Heavens, Barbara looks like she belongs here for years. Well, except maybe that her Barbour coat is shiny new and in its newness would better suit a rainy day in a park in London. I should ask her again when we're on the safe ground of _her_ hometown._

Despite her former clear 'No' he suddenly knew that Barbara would marry him one day.

* * *

Though she was tired and her bare feet in the Wellies icy cold her heart made a leap and the proud and thankful smile so full of love Tommy gave her made her body warm from the inside. Barbara returned his smile wholeheartedly.

_Bloody hell, I'm leading a giant horse with a colic through a riding hall in the middle of a winter's night for the man whose lips have met mine for the first time not quite 24 hours ago. Why shouldn't I marry that bloke? At least we are Metropolitan Police Officers and live in London and not in his noble Cornish fairy tale world._

* * *

**.**

* * *

**...**

* * *

**Author's note: **I actually don't know much about horse colics. So if there is any mistake about that please let me know.


	31. Only Author's Notes

**Only author's notes**

* * *

I'm sorry for the delay. I had no time (there is something called real life ;-) ) and then additionally a horrible plane crash had happened in France when a copilot deliberately had flewn the plane into the Alpes to put an end to his own life and he took 150 persons with him. Though I wasn't directly concerned it wasn't entirely away from my life. I wasn't grieving but such things make you think about life and the _really_ important things.

But now, after a few days of unability to focus on fiction that lets the mind wander into perfect happy fairy worlds, after a few days of being busy with my real life and after another writing blockade I'm back and have written something.

Please note that you won't read it here. This Book 1 is put _complete_ now without another chapter. The story will go on in Book 2.

Thank you all for your kind and wonderful reviews on Book 1 and especially for the inspiring PM-exchanges. ;-)

* * *

**Tess**


End file.
